Main -> Dating -> Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Let's Be Friends) - Christie Hartman, PhD

Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Let's Be Friends) - Christie Hartman, PhD


About 6 months ago, I met a guy. I had been in and out of bad short term relationships. We had a rough start because I could not trust anyone and he was not over his ex. We dated for about 3 months and it ended because we were both not truly ready for a real true relationship. We had no contact for about 2. I contacted him because I missed him and he says he misses me too. He doesn't want me out of his life completely and want to be friends with him also.

Told me he loved me like someone in his family? They will say anything to get what they want, but sadly now, there's nothing he can say or do to get me back to that place where I was. I told him friends is not who we are. I never can ever understand how two people who used to sleep together can just be friends. That means someone is getting over and the other person is getting played.

Don't allow yourself to be played. If he chooses to not be in a relationship with you, he does not get another choice to just be your friend.

No No No. You let it be your choice. If you're cool with being friends, then OK, but if you're not cool with just being his friend and you're only agreeing to it to keep him in your life, RUN!!

I honestly felt heart broken because after so many disappointments in my life, he was the only one who made me feel like I could trust and love again.

It also came as a surprise because everything between us was great. He asked if we could remain friends and I refused, telling him my feelings were too involved and that it would be too hard for me. I have missed him ever since but it would have been much worse if I would have remained just as a friend :'.

I am so thankful that I came across this article! I felt as if your response was personalized for me. I have been friends with a man I met in 8th grade 20 yrs ago I'm tired of being with him on his terms of friends, when I feel that we have a beautiful foundation to have a relationship that some people spend their lives searching for I have an unconditional love for that man and I will love him from a far because, I know that is not fair to me!

Thanks so much I cried and cried reading this article, it was so enlightening for me. No one understood the complexity of my relationship with this man, friends nor my mother so many times I got advice I hated. Thanks for your finesse about it! I was tired of being mean to myself about it. In the pass when we've separated it was from anger or hurt about something Thanks again! You're so welcome, Alexis. I'm so glad reading this was so enlightening for you.

Peace of mind and clarity can never be underestimated; they matter so much! It all comes down to this: The best way to get someone to see your value is to reject anything less than what you feel you deserve.

You deserve a guy who will show you how much he cares, who won't leave you on the hook, who won't treat you as something that's his for the taking. If he wants your time, your affection, your approval, he has to work for it gosh darn it! Never, ever, want someone who doesn't want you. First off, someone who can't see your innate value doesn't deserve a place in your precious heart. So true, Melanie. Thank you. And especially this "Never, ever, want someone who doesn't want you.

I so needed to find this site tonight! I am just coming home from an emotionally draining evening My husband died in and I met a man through work about 7 months later and we've had an on again off again relationship ever since We would both acknowledge that it has been pretty serious from an emotional perspective, but I have always wanted to move forward and for us to become a real couple. We've had lots of ups and downs and I would say I have never met anyone, even my late husband, who I had more in common with and was more compatible with in all areas that matter in a significant relationship, except the physical relationship!!

Well, after much pushing from me lately, he finally told me a few days ago that he decided he didn't want a romantic relationship with me, but still wanted us to continue our relationship, virtually the same as it has been!

I was very emotional the last couple of days and asked that we could meet for dinner tonight. That was probably a mistake! He reiterated his position and told me he came there tonight to salvage our friendship and how much he cares and loves me, blah, blah, blah! It was SO hard, but I told him that if there wasn't a chance for us to grow into a complete romantic relationship, including the physical side of that, i didn't couldn't still be his friend! He didn't like this and told me I would eventually change my mind I told him I would not!

He stared at me intensely for nearly 2 min. I believe this is the only way I'll ever get what I want or know that it really is never going to be, but I'm afraid of losing him and afraid I can't stick to what I said, but I know I have to I hate this so much Just coming here for some reassurance that I did the right thing!

I need to be strong to accept that I can move forward without him and that I deserve so much more than our partial relationship! Thanks for listening!! Always here to listen, Joy. Don't doubt yourself; if it drains you, if you feel strongly about these boundaries you're setting around yourself, your emotions, your willingness to put yourself somewhere where you don't belong, trust those feelings.

You always know more than you think you do. And no, you're never alone. And if someone gets there themselves, you'll always be the first to know - regardless of whether you chose to stay friends or not. Oh Joy, your story pulls at my heartstrings. Praying you are well and that things are where you want them. I met a guy and fell head over heels in love and he felt the same.

The problem is I kept something from him in the beginning and when I could come clean, I should have but was afraid I would lose him. I finally knew that I had to be honest with him and told him and he was mad at first but calmed down somewhat and we continued a romantic relationship. He eventually told me that he could not seem to forget that I had lied to him and how important honesty was and how he wasn't sure he could ever trust me. I walked away and over a year later, he reached out to me and we became friends once again.

The friendship led to a friends with benefits and even though he was completely honest with me about his position, I wanted him in my life in some way so I accepted it knowing that I would not be able to handle it but trying it anyway. After about three months of this, he met someone and began to date so obviously the benefits stopped. We ended up getting into a huge argument when instead of just telling me he was seeing someone, he lied to me about it and we were supposedly friends.

At the end of the fight, he said he wished me no ill will but did not see me as part of his life in any way.

I thought if he really wants to be just friends he has now the opportunity to show me that. But he doesnít want to be just friends he wants to boost his ego or be in control. Although this was the first time he did not give mixed signal by touching me of whatever he is still not a proper friend.

I told him I was sorry to hear that but would respect his decision. I was not so I simply replied that I was sorry he would think I could do such a thing but that it was not me. He text me thanks and that was it. Then two days later, he texts me again at night asking me a question about how training is going with my new personal trainer I am getting ready for a fitness competition and he knew about ithours after the girl he is supposedly seeing left his house and I just didn't respond.

I think that was the best course of action for me as normally I would have jumped to text him back and he knew that. My question is, why if you want me completely out of your life and you flat out said so, are you reaching out to me even if it is just a random question to be "nice"? You cannot tell someone one day you don't see them in your life in any capacity and then a few days later text and act like everything is fine.

Is that just a man's mind working? It's the mind of a man who wants to keep all his options open - who knows what a prize you really are! Be so proud of yourself for not jumping to texting him back like you might have done in the past, Georgia. This is about what you want, about what works for you and what doesn't.

Feel the power in owning that. That's you! HI Jane. Sorry I have not been on line over the last few weeks, but I have not disappeared. Your site has been heaven sent to me over the last several months. Thank god. I have been meeting a few men, but they ask for no dates. They find me interesting, but not phone numbers. I hope you remember me - I met the guy who I spoke to for almost two years. When I asked, could we take a friendship to another level - he said "I don't know.

I'm over him, yet I seem to attract the same type of person. I tried online datng for the first time. It is nerve racking to put yourself out there.

I can feel I'm very guided and cautious. Total strangers seeing your photograph and some info. Not all, but some. It appears I am attracted to men from out of state then locals.

One I just finished speaking week over a week span. He lives out of state, and I have to be honest. There could be an attraction, but I could feel myself getting a bit nervous, so I told him, you live there and I live here. So, he wanted to be online friends.

Then I felt odd. Thought about it for a few days. If I would have been more open because he would have come to my statewe could have met and seen if there was chemistry btwn us. I mean ultimately I believe you have to be attracted. After speaking this morning.

Are We Friends With Benefits? 5 Signs He Doesn't See You As More

He said to me, he would like to be friends he changed his tune. So, I said, I think we should just move on. Time is too precious. Another words, I was not looking for a pen pal. Wished him the best. He at one point said, I'm not the crazy one.

the merrier The

I rebutted by saying. I told him, in a nice way. Oh, he stated I like you and you amuse me beforehand. Again, Ultimately, we are not on the same page. I gave him a mixed signal, I know. It's my fear that was rearing it's little head, Yet, if a person is truly interested - would they see you through that challenge.

I am a bit on the timid side, so it's easier to express yourself on line. I think that had a great bearing on it. Yet, his intution told him, friends. I'm not going down that path for another two years.

Exactly, Denise. It is precious because it's YOUR time! Turn it around; see it as you getting to see them, you getting to know them, you getting to choose them, them putting themselves out there - making themselves vulnerable - for you to see in the hopes of you choosing them.

Feel that difference. You're doing the choosing! And be glad you found out what he was like and what page he was and wasn't on before you spent any more of your beautiful time and energy there. I am in a similar position but need help. I met him 6 months ago and we hit it off big time, we have so much in common and everything was going great till I found out his wife he was divorcing had died if cancer only 2 months before we met and his two small kids, that I had met and was getting on well with, couldn't cope.

Then he ended up having ptsd and had a melt down. I have tried to walk away so many times and said I can't do the friends thing but he always comes back. He has been open and honest about it and says he wants me in his life in whatever capacity but he can't be rushed and I accept that having been in the same situation as him before. I'm just confused really as to whether I keep it as friends or just say to get his head sorted without me and if he does want me to contact.

Thing is I know he will lol Maria. As Jane would say to us: what do you feel is the best for you? Regardless of what he needs, you need to make the best decision for yourself. It comes down to you and you alone. Only you know what feels right to you. Can you honestly be there as friends? Could you deal with it well if one day all of a sudden some other woman appears in his life and he tells you because well You're friends?

Think about what friendship entails and if you can spare yourself unnecessary suffering. I decided after beind down this road several times that the friends thing doesn't work for me. It just doesn't. It is torture and I do not deserve that. But of course, everyone has a different perspective. So, it is really up to you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to invest yourself in someone dealing with so much, but you have to make the decision consciously and be aware that in such cases, you might come to suffer a lot.

A man going through the aftermath of a divorce is quite not ready for a true relationship to someone. He of course needs support, but the question is: is it in your best interest to give it to him inspite of your feelings and wants? What do you honestly want in general? Can he give you that? Think it over and do the best for YOU. What if you are friends cuz you both don't want to lose each other. He has told you Im not sure what I want, but I do need a friend right now.

I want to be there for him, because he is there for me. But I do want him, I know I can't change him, but he does say I bring out the best in him, that when Im not around he feels incomplete. He thinks of me as family. He doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship, not even a causal one. He wants to be alone with friends. I love him, can I mentally let him go and still be his friend. I find myself thinking of how we could be, but then feeling grateful that I have such a beautiful wonderful person in my life.

That is a decision you have to make for yourself. Forget what he says for a minute and think for yourself: can you live like this? What would happen if one day out of the blue he told you he met someone and he's in love with her?

Could you be the friend he needs at that moment? Is this what you want for your life? A best friend you are in love with but who cannot give you a relationship that by the way you absolutely deserve? I can understand you love him, but what about you? Are you being fair to yourself? Those are questions that only you have the answers to.

I was in a similar situation, and I do love him, but he cannot give me what I truly want and I know that he has a ton of friends he can count on now. I can't save him at my own expense. I have suffered a whole year. I do not want this for myself. I stuck around, and I crashed and burned. It only gets worse. If he is meant to be for you, even if you leave him now, he'll show up at some point.

It is your responsibility to make yourself happy and do what is right for you. I hope my answer helps.

Big hug. Thank you, this does help He said it would be weird but that he just wants me to be happy, so what ever decision I make he would support me, that if I needed someone to talk to about guy trouble he would be there for me.

I have known what I had to do for a long time now I just love him to much to let him go He is the only close friend I have this has been the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I think it's great that you're shifting your focus to meet other men. It helps to focus on yourself and other people. Attachments are not necessarily what we need. We lose focus and perspective and drive ourselves into unsatisfying situations as a result. Be with yourself and always, always choose yourself.

Seriously never get strung along, I was for over 5 years online, and he hid someone from me who then cheated on him, then he ran off to marry a Russian girl he barely even know, who is now living with another man. You now there were times I was so devastated I thought I was dying from pain, But now after all the time and he will never change. I do not love him, I never did, I loved what I thought was a really nice guy at one time.

He has big issues, much worse than me being too old or fat or anything like that, He will wreck everything good to him and totally RUN towards anything he cannot fully trust. Even if you waste 5 years, you will have no choice but to come around anyhow and you will NOT know anymore what you thought you even saw in him, but certainly it was not existent. That man may forever do like he is doing, my care or advices did not change anything, so I told him to seek a counselor now, all I want now is what he could not supply for me.

Sounds like you've really been there, Brenda, and can look back and see your relationship for what it was and what it wasn't. Thank you for sharing. I do not want this Sandie to waste her life pining for this guy. But, I want to share that I came across a guy like this once. I knew that was untrue. What I did in return was reply, "okay, then I will be platonic and that's all we will be". I got over him hard core.

I will not lie to you other ladies. It was one of the toughest tasks I have ever done. But I did it. I got completely over this guy and began dating other great guys. Epilogue: Mr.

heal thyself

We're expecting our first child next spring. You should never hold out and wait for any guy. Move on. He'll either get closer or fade away. What's meant to be will be. I love everyone stories and answers.

I'm having the same issue with this guy too. We meet over two years ago. Chemistry was great. Everything was good. We were always with each other every night. Hanging over the man cage. Going out doing fun things. Cooking for each other.

Bring me food on my lunch break. When we drive separate cars he follows me home then when he get home he text or call me he made it. He was there for me during surgery and etc We did so much stuff everybody around was thinking we were in a relationshp.

But we wasn't. We acting like we was. We meet each other family and friends. He said he never been a relationshp. All the females he has dated he couldn't admit he was in one with them. The only woman he love and call a relationshp is his first baby mama. We had first augment over Valentine's Day his thought that you ever have to b marry or in a relationshp to get something.

We did not talk until the next day. When my mother pass he call me to let me know he brought me something for Valentine's Day.

I know almost everything about him. He has a lot of trust in me. He said we are friends. Now he lock up in prison. I have been there for him. I have all his pictures, business plans on a sd card and videos at my house. When I had my first contact visit he always kiss my forehead goodbye and ends his letters also with forehead kiss with his name. He said forehead kiss is for friendship. Time went by he started kissing me on the lip when he say goodbye and now he writes like at the end of his letter with his name.

He said he never go backwards talking to a female. He believes its always the female fought or she goes crazy. I always ask him how long we going to be kicking, he comes back and say how long is the Texas gaint.

the squeaky

Then I will say who is your next victim. He said he told his self he will stay single as long he live a life in and out of prison. I call him a player or insecure man. I been sick and he did not hear from me in two weeks.

I finally wrote, he was like how suposse to know what's going with you. I cut for you. I guess cut mean like but I not bout to chase. Please get your phone working so I can call. I was thinking if we were just friends it should been all right if he didn't hear from me. We are friends but we write and talk to each other like we are in some type of relationship.

He included me in his future plans when he gets out. He said he still want to kick it with me if I was in a relationshp. I said no cuz you don't go backwards.

soft answer

I feel like he keeping me in his life until he is done with me. I ask him tonight what he want out of me he said my friendship.

Now I'm feeling like its time for me to live my life cuz I have been waiting on him, like everything stop. He never going to change his mind about me. Am I messing my time with him or do I need to start treating him as just a friend cuz I'm not his girlfriend. He should be alright if I write him once in a blue moon.

They want you (but not a relationship) ó Susan Winter

Its getting old and not going no where. I thought if I show him how diffrent I was he will start feeling me in another way. But it never quite works out this way because love never works by convincing someone of our worth. If they don't see it for themselves, it's not meant to be! Don't wait around for him to decide what he wants to do with you; take your own power back and decide what you want to do with him the way he is now, not the way he someday might be.

It's always your decision! I forgot to add Jane that I am 29 I have no children but I love children they are great fun and I am also a virgin by choice as I did not want to lose it to a guy I would regret losing it to. He is now in his 40s. I think this guy would be nothing but heartbreak for you. Save yourself for someone better, someone who wants to be with you, who shows you he loves you and who shows up every time. The age difference is definitely something off in my opinion. Save yourself pain.

Break contact with him. He's not who you think he might be. Run, as far and fast as you can away from him. Hi Jane I have just read this on here here is my dilemma. I met a guy last year who is from another country and stays in the other country which is not that far away from me. He told me he got his ex wife pregnant and got forced into marriage at a young age and he had another couple of children by her but they divorced. He then went on to tell me aftewr his divorced that he met another women then he had a child by her then they broke up.

Myself being a soft hearted caring person I felt so bad for him. He told me that I was drop dead gorgeous and stunning. When we met he came over here I did not go to see him in his country I thought that he was a good looking guy and we chatted away but I turned shy like I normally do when I take a liking to someone.

I fell after having too much to drink he helped me up and took my arm then it ended with me and him having a long kiss with tongues.

After that I text him good night and told him it was nice to meet him I thought I had met the guy I would be happy to have a decent relationship with and thought that he was a gentleman. After that it took him 5 weeks to go back in touch with me I asked him if he wanted to go to the soccer game that he agreed to go to but he told me he already met someone else.

We still keep in touch I was kind of hoping to be the woman who would have helped him get his confidence back and to make him happy but everytime I have offered him my help or a shoulder to cry on he has rejected me and not forgetting that he is away working for 2 months at a time and is only back for 1 month.

Do you think I should give up on him? I had read this blog entry before, but I think it was time for a refreshment read. I have not been able to stay away from this guy sadly.

They want an acquaintance, not a friend. If you want to be with that person romantically and all they want is a friendship, the dynamic between you two will always be skewed. When he says "friends," he probably just wants an acquaintance. Meanwhile, you want . Oct 12, †∑ He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently. We have to master the art of all language when it comes to men. But there can be a slight problem with that. He might be saying one thing, but his body might be saying something completely, and frustratingly, Jasmine Spoors. What exactly does it mean when a guy wants to be friends first? its better to be friends first. Now if he never said that, I would definitely have doubts about dating him. and it serves no.

I do get something out of hanging out with him, but it still hurts. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I have let myself stick around like a friend. It all seems to work out perfectly for him as is, but I still get hurt if I see or know of other girls he's seeing, even if it's not serious.

It's been two months since I stopped with the kissing and stuff, but I still feel so I can't help feeling like a dumbass even if it is my choice to stick around. I even saw how ridiculous it would all be with him seeing that he's so immature, I see all the things in him that are just not attractive at all and yet I still get hurt.

The fantasy died, but I still haven't been able to break contact with him. I just needed to vent a bit about how I feel. I don't feel comfortable talking about this with someone. And that's how you know you're getting closer to being able to let go of him, Angel. You're seeing so much more clearly what you couldn't see before.

You're seeing the inconsistency between who you're becoming and this part of you that would choose to stick around. Sit with it, be with it, be with you! You don't deserve these names you're calling yourself, you're human. And this is the real-time process of how we come to see what we're meant to see one step at a time. Always here for you!

can't run with

Thank you, Jane for your loving words. It is quite a difficult process. Our hearts seem to cling longer than what it takes our minds to catch up with reality. You are an amazing source of wisdom. Thank you for being there for all of us. I guess I'll take it one day at a time. I dated a guy for 4 months and had the gut feeling that it was not going to work. I had come out from a long term marriage and this was my first date and I was quite clueless about it all.

I really did not know where it was going and he did not want a serious relationship. Well, I guess I was put into the friendship zone.

man can serve

I was not ready to let go of him. We would see each other once or twice a month and always during the weekday. Just to go for a walk mostly. Nothing else. I was trying to convince myself that I could handle the friendship.

Yesterday evening, I was at my favorite restaurant and it was the restaurant where we had our first date. I was with my group of friends. He was there with a date but he did not see him. It was there and then that I made the decision that I should permanently end the friendship.

Seeing him entertain a date made me realize that I no longer can remain friends with him on his terms. I needed to end the friendship so I can move on and wait and take my time for the right guy to come along. Even thought it was only a short 4 months and that he only wanted to remain friends, I still felt hurt inside. It was time to let go and move on. I have to be true to myself.

My situation: my crush started in middle school and never went beyond that 20 some odd years later I move back to my hometown and by coincidence a mutual friend bumps into him. To my surprise he is single. She arranges a meet and greet, together with other friends we have a BALL. After leaving he gives me a hug that said, "I've been waiting for u my whole life" fast forward we keep in touch.

I discover he's fresh out of a longterm relationship that went sour long before it ended. He wanted no parts of a relationship but after we met he knew he didn't want me to b out if his life and too hv admitted he had a crush and thought of me throughout the years.

We date and as time go on develop feelings for this man. The problem intuition i didnt get that he was devolving stronger feeling for me. Although we bought agreed that we would date each other exclusively and take it slow.

After me sharing maybe this wasn't a good time and that maybe he needed more time to heal. He said no u however start to get concerned. Tell him I can't do this anymore I deserve better any tj of this he is like don't day things like this you are being mean So I stay then realize this is a constant thing nothing changes and I?

Myself all the more. I cook for this man, serve him etc wrapping this up thoroughly these conversations he always says he always been honest he wanted to take it slow not make the same mistakes. That's not enough anyway just this week we get to the real I say maybe we should be in just friend zone he says this is what I have been saying because I told u I can't give u what u need right niw u say u understand then we keep having this conversation I said we keep having this conversation because u never said u wanted to just be friends And u said we were in an inclusive relationship needed less to say the very mention if the friend zone set me off, I feel like we were on two different planes the whe time and if he would have been so differently.

I finally said I need more time I don't think I can turn off my feelings and be friends or continue to hope that we will ever be. Now I am trying to decide if I can only be friends keep u mind he is a nice guy who went through a lot of things with his ex He is literally starting over in life found a good woman but realizes he can't meet her immediate needs Your thought.

I am so happy that I found this website as I am going through the same process. He said he just wanted to be friends and see how it goes from there.

The fact was our relationship has passed that stage of being just friends, when more emotions have been involved, and hope and dreams as well.

For a long time, I was his ear to listen about his past painful relationship, trying to help him to get on his feet again. It seems that I was always willing to be there for him, but he was not. Recently he said he couldn't have time to give me the attention I deserve and that communicating with me has taken too much of his time and he doesn't have time right now.

I don't really remember if there was some time in our relationship that I stopped him from caring for his family, or his daily routines. But he was always depressed and couldn't seem to move on.

For months, his ex wife was the main topic and he could spend hours talking about her sins and his hate for her, while I tried to cheer him up or distract him from negative feelings. This is how I felt quite unfair and hurt to become the reason to be blamed for him not living his life. He said he valued the friendship with me, and that is why he wanted us just to be friends now until something changed, like both of us decided to have something more than friendship. He also said I am the best person he has met for a long time, but he couldn't have time for me, he is too stressful.

However, I know deeply, if i am still around, I will still put my hope high, without knowing what is waiting for me at the other end and maybe I will be broken again after weeks or months, if he still tells me that he wants to be friends. I told him that we will go no contact for a while for him to solve all his pending work and duties. If after that time he still wants me, then we will see or else we could walk away from each other. I actually still want to be with him because also for a long time, I could find someone I can trust as much and I am not the kind of person who like quitting before trying to fix the problems.

But whatever I initiated as a more constructive solution, he would simply say no. Sadly no matter how he insisted he had a feeling for me and had missed me, he stated very clearly, he just wants to be friends for now, but he is also not sure about the future. I hear what you're saying, Marie. It's hard to see what could be, and what has been, and then see him unwilling to do what he could to make more out of your relationship than a friendship.

You really only have one choice here - to believe what he's saying. Anything else will only bring you heartbreak and keep you living in a state of "if only" or "what if" instead of in the reality of what is. He just wants to be friends for now and doesn't know when or if that will change.

He's telling you he can't promise you anything and he's not sure about the future. Accept this. You can't do this alone; it has to come from him, too.

He has to want it, too. It doesn't have to be forever, it's about right now taking a step back and putting the focus on you and your life instead of him and the two of you together. If he comes around in the future, you'll be the first to know. But don't wait around for it to happen. Love is always found in the living, not in the waiting. Only you know if you can continue to be friends with him, since it's not easy to be friends with someone when you're both on different pages and you want more from him than he wants of you, and it's even harder when you're trying to convince yourself you can do that and accept his terms when you really can't.

Be true to yourself, Marie. I suspect he was getting a lot more from you than you were getting from him. You deserve so much more than that! It was very confusing sometimes he told me "please wait", at another time he would say "Remember, we are on a break and I just want to be friends".

Sometimes I think I was a bit pushy towards him, but having to listen the same answer again and again is so tiring. He is always so unsure, with all those "I don't know" and in the end he said he wasn't so sure if he wanted to have children. And in that very case he wouldn't pursue me. You are so right, it is so hard to be friends with someone who you have fallen for. And in the end, to save myself from the pain and headache, I told him I can't be his friend and I have to move on, which made him unhappy.

He still wants to be friends and, if one day, when he gets better and I am still single, it will be possible that there will be something for us. But I think I am done with this kind of illusions. Because time after time, I have been waiting for him to finish one thing, then another, but he is still like, "let me finish this, and I will see" And it has been months, and now all I have left is a broken heart.

Thank you so much for this website. Last months were hard took lots of energy. But because of you and this forum I held on to my boundaries.

The initial question was whether I wanted to stay friends with him. As he was not ready to commit and kept giving wrong signals including seks I found because of you the strength to walk away. Last week, I found the real reason for his behaviour. There was another woman. He has cheated on her as well with me.

He wanted us both, as we are in different countries. He even gave me a seksual disease. He is now in a relationship with her. The girl was checking me on Linkedin as she found out letters from me to him in his house.

We were dating now he wants to be friends

He has lied to her about me! He told her he didn't talked to me since December while I saw him 3 weeks ago. As there is a sexual disease involved I decided to tell her my side on the story.

I don't want her to get sick. I tried to warn this girl, I got really angry at the guy now I know why I was so physically tired all the time. Now they are angry at me as they feel I am interfering with there relationship. I just warned her. If they want to be together I would have been happy for them. But I know he cheated on her, he was lying to both of us.

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If she wants that fine but I am really glad I stayed true to myself. I have to accept that I will never understand why he kept me on a string, and now he chooses to 'commit'.

While telling me he doesn't love her etc. I won't know why he kept on meeting me and lying to me while he was dating her. But I knowing he cheats and liesI know I will deserve someone else and one day she will be grateful I told her about his past behaviour.

I hope she will find your website then. I will move on, I am proud that I didn't hold on to him. That I did NOT let him be friends with me while he was given me the wrong signals. I am proud I had my boundaries. It is now hard for me, but I know that people like him will not go unpunished true life. While honest people like me who know how to give love in the right way will find someone who is worth it. I will grow stronger. And I even am going on a second date with a guy.

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So glad to hear you're coming through this seeing just how strong you are, Isa. It's no small thing to have your boundaries and refuse to accept less than you deserve. And it sounds like the truth about what he was like came through loudly and clearly enough for you to see what was there - and what wasn't. It's never personal. And it's always about his own issues that have nothing to do with you. You did what you could to warn her, and now the rest is up to them.

But you're free. Let him go and you'll find he's no longer there. Only in our own minds do we bring people back from the past. Keep me posted on the new guy and take your time getting to know him well. I'm excited for you!

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Just make sure he's worthy of you! Hi y'all! I am in sort of a situation like this and I don't know what to do about it. I've been in a flirty friendship with this guy for about a year now. Recently we have gotten closer and I realized the extent of my feelings. So I decided to get up the guts to tell this guy the way I felt about him. But the only thing I got was reasons why it wouldn't work. Never once did he say how he felt about me but instead kept going on about our families.

Our families are close friends so everyone knows everyone and his problem was that he didn't want anyone to know our business and in a way I wanted that too. We had a huge argument with me saying that we could make things work and with him continuing to say how it wouldn't work. Since then he has just dropped the subject and we haven't really resolved anything.

I don't want to force him into saying that he either wants to be with me or he doesn't but I am so confused. It is extremely hard for me to not bring up the subject again but I don't want to upset him again. Should I just leave the subject of us being together alone and continue not knowing? Or should I just ask him once more and see what that brings?

Thanks, Gabby, and welcome! He's telling you very clearly in his own words that he's not on the same page as you and doesn't want this to work. Whenever someone gives you reasons like this, you don't need to be confused anymore, regardless of any other mixed signals.

Find someone who is on your page and wants the same thing as you and you will be so much happier! We have been on 3 dates and on the 2nd date he said this to me. I told him I'm not having sex with him unless we are serious about marriage and he agreed that was the right thing. He doesn't call and barley texts And today on our 3rd date he said he liked the idea that we are just friends and we are getting to know each other to see if we are compatiable.

I'm not so sure how to take that he really likes the idea that we are just friends. I've kinda have fallen for him hard and I feel that I like him more then he likes me He did tell me his intention on our first date was to sleep with me and he was shocked I didn't because we had a few drinks.

He told me he likes me more than he thought he would and that he's never met a women like me and probably never will. After our first date I did text him and called it all off because he told me right up front he was just looking to fool around. A week later he saw me at the gym, walked up to me and said he'd like to take me out to lunch and hasn't pressured me for sex and actually tells me what in doing is the right thing to do.

Also I forgot to add that he's told me several times I should have met him a couple months ago because he was looking for a wife, but now he's being a little crooked, but he says he might switch back again and sometimes he wished he hadn't went crooked. But he says ultimately he dose want a wife. Now that I'm writing this out maybe the best thing is that we are just friends and I keep dating other men and put him on the back burner.

And if he comes around he comes around and if he doesn't he doesn't. Again an ate.

Apr 30, †∑ Chances are if youíre reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. Weíve all heard those words at some point that they 'just want to be friendsí and maybe weíve said them to others more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. However, when a guy says he just wants to be friends, itís often more about lack of commitment than attraction. Almost every guy who has ever asked to "just be friends" with me, followed up that request by continuing to flirt with me, and expecting that I would be interested in sex under this header of . Sep 11, †∑ Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Letís Be Friends) Friendship needs a reason. People become friends for the same reason they get into relationships - that person fulfills a need. Even though you could imagine being friends with this person you just went out with, you probably donít need that person as a friend.

I was doing so well and after I bumped into my ex again he was so sad that I ignored him, that I invited him over for some cooking. Huge mistake. I tell this here because girls these guys don't change. I thought if he really wants to be just friends he has now the opportunity to show me that. Although this was the first time he did not give mixed signal by touching me of whatever he is still not a proper friend.

He deliberately tried to hide information about other girls, lied about other stuff as well in the middle of my face. I told him that lying hurts and that I deserve honesty. If he wants to be friends he is allowed to date other girls. His reason for lying is to protect me from my own feelings. Understandable as I it does hurts me, but there is more incorrect behaviour. He told me he missed me, he thinks i am interesting and wants to spent time with me as friends.

But he also wants to now if I am meeting other people, if I had seks with someone else, he wants to come to visit me in the country I am moving to, he makes negative comments about my decisions. He says it would not hurt him if I had seks with someone else but that he thought it would be a strange feeling and that he would think about it how it would be. Bottum line: He wants to see if I moved on as well and just tries to find the relieve of knowing that I didn't have seks with someone else yet.

What hurts me the most is that he even says: I did not expected you would be doing so well and would look so beautiful. I think he makes the negative comments to put me down, to break me because than he knows he has the power over me while otherwise I might move on to someone else. What do you think of that Jane?

Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone. First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along.

You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship.

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way.

Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend.

We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself.

Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals.

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive.

3 thoughts on “We were dating now he wants to be friends”

  1. I am sorry, that I interfere, but, in my opinion, this theme is not so actual.

  2. I can not participate now in discussion - there is no free time. But I will be released - I will necessarily write that I think on this question.

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