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Mind the gap - does age difference in relationships matter?

11.07.2019 1 Comments

Aged Husband Vs Young Wife - Age Difference Husband Vs Wife - Age Gap In Marriage - Chennai Memes

Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by - Navigating the Love Gap. After a year together, Jennifer Lawrence and director Darren Aronofsky called it quits on their relationship. Of course, in the aftermath of a celeb breakup, the rumor mill always swirls. Results are certainly mixed. If you turn to research, some signs suggest the wider the age gap, the lower the likelihood a pairing will last

Making it work is really about having enough in common to bond, enough difference to learn from each other, and similar views on partnerships. Dating someone older or younger exposes you to their stories, their peers, their cultural references and their insights, all of which can lead to great discussion and even more intimacy.

Oh, and women who fall for younger men?

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Not only is it an annoying double standard, but even the recent University of Colorado research showed women dating younger men saw some of the highest satisfaction levels.

Falcone, Dana Rose. November 29, Francis-Tan, Andrew, and Hugo M. Wilson, Ben, and Steve Smallwood. Lee, Wang-Sheng, and Terra Mckinnish. Feel free to ignore the stigma. Not only is it an annoying double standard In my reality, an older man dating a younger woman is stigmatised, with the ad hominem trope of 'dirty old man', while an older woman dating a young man is not at all stigmatised and in fact is praised as an act of empowerment - 'good for you, enjoy your new-found freedom and enjoy your toy-boy'.

In my reality, an older man dating a younger woman is stigmatised, with the ad hominem trope of 'dirty old man'.

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You think Trump is being stigmatized for his marriage? Even the majority of white women who voted in the last election voted for Trump! And Hugh Hefner? All you're really saying is that no matter who you are, there will always be somebody who will speak negatively about your or your relationship. If that's all you hear, you're an "injustice collector".

You hear both positive and negative things about both kinds of disparate-age relationships.

Why doesnít age matter to some?

The way to deal with it is to stop whining and bellyaching about it. If you're in love, who cares what others think? Let the church lady fuss all she wants.

If you're gonna be sensitive to people criticizing you about your relationships, you won't have much sex. If you're to young, lots of people will criticize you for having sex. If you have sex before marriage, some will criticize you. And once you get married, many people experience a drop-off in sex. And once you're old, lots of people think it's "yucky" that you have sex.

And in some nursing homes, you're not allowed to have sex. And if you have dementia, in some situations you're judge incapable of giving "consent", so no sex for you then either.

So and this is true for most communication inferences, projections, displacements and the like become so very evident as communication expands. Thank you for your judgement but I don't buy into it. Maybe try something less pejorative. I spoke of one 'injustice' in my reality. You continue: "The way to deal with it is to stop whining and bellyaching about it.

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Let the church lady fuss all she wants". Where is the whining and bellyaching here? I merely wrote about my reality and the perception I have of one injustice - don't think I whined or bellyached.

Your response to me feels like it has quite a lot of whining and bellyaching towards me. Oh, by the way, I'm not sensitive to people criticising me about my relationships. Priscilla is, of course, female, so I guess I could be attacked as homophobic but I'll take that chance. I happen to be heterosexual. Actually, that's the way language works. Linguistics The interpretation depends on context on many levels. That's true, that's my point.

Language depends on that in many cases. Which is why legal documents are sometimes much longer than they would seem to need to be - to eliminate differing interpretations or "loopholes". Duh, doofus, I know that. I know exactly what you said. And that is an interpretation one could make because your original statement is not correct in my experience.

So a generalization would be that almost anyone is criticized by someone. Yes, in some cases by some people, but not all. Did I say otherwise?

Mirrored over from answer to What does it feel like to be in a relationship with someone who is much younger than you? At the time, Me: 31, Her: 18 - relationship lasted about 10 months. We met through her following my blog and leaving comme. Aug 19, †∑ In addition, Buss collected actual age differences at marriage for 27 of the 37 cultures, and across the board men normally married women who were younger than themselves. Dating significant age difference - Register and search over 40 million singles: chat. Join the leader in rapport services and find a date today. Join and search! Men looking for a woman - .

What are you arguing with? A strawman? You are invited to demonstrate that that is not all you heard. I see it as whining relative to not minding what others say. Are they legally preventing you? Are motel desk clerks refusing you a room with your age-disparate partner?

I'm guessing not. So in my opinion, it then amounts to bellyaching. You can't live that way. That's my perspective, and I stand by it. It pales in comparison to REAL "stigmatizing", like Virginia still had a law on the books, I believe, as late asprohibiting a white and black person from marrying.

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Indeed, and rightfully so. First, because it's really not an impediment in any real sense unless you're sensitive to other people's opinions, even though you say below you're not. And third, because I don't - not at all - see the selected criticism you claim to see. It seems to me that people criticize young man-older woman just as much. For one thing, those couples can't have kids. The older man-younger woman relationship is very common.

I know a number of men on their 2nd marriages, some with age disparity marriages approaching and even exceeding 20 years, and I haven't detected any more criticism than for other marriages. Perhaps you could explain why you think older women-younger men relationships don't get as much criticism. I've heard things like 1 can't have kids - and he'll certainly want a family as some point and will leave her!

Instead of just getting as defensive as a partner in marriage counseling, why don't you tell us more about why you seem to have a minority belief in what's acceptable and not? That was 17 years ago. I moved into his dorm room and got to spend 2 lovely carefree years living on campus and being accepted by all his friends.

No one ever mentioned our age difference and to be honest neither did we. We never discussed it.

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The only people who had a problem with it were family members. We got married a year later, 16 years ago, a small intimate wedding with only 2 witnesses, as is common in our home country, and we. We had lovely happy years, after he earned his Master degree we moved out of the country to be able to build a life of our own away from family.

We moved around quite a bit and being depended on each other during these times has really formed and defined our relationship. We love to be on our own and love each others company. There were many ups but also downs of course. Mainly my struggles to butt out of his life and hold my tongue. With so much age difference, 19 years, there comes a time when new experiences present themselves that I already have gone through but for him they're new.

I realize that I should let him find his own way, make his own mistakes and grow in his own pace. Sometimes the feeling arises, 'yes, been there done that and didn't get the t-shirt, let's move on'.

Which of course would be wrong. So I give him space and let him form his own experiences. Another thing is that I am now approaching the 60 years of age stop and long for retirement, long vacations, spending days doing stuff you love, while he is in the midst of his career path. Not that he is so career goal oriented, no not at all. If it were him he would rather retire tomorrow than in 20 years.

He is one of those people who do not see working as a life fulfillment. We will have to see how we can compromise on this. It's hard to believe that all this started 18 years ago and we celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary this year. People who meet us for the first time obviously see the physical age difference although we do not notice it. He is an old soul who feels more comfortable with someone older than with someone who still wants to have kids and a career as well.

I have no regrets whatsoever, we live and practice mindfulness, live and enjoy today do not worry about tomorrow or the future. At 54, my husband is 17 years older than I am. I have read through the above responses and agree with all the pros, namely the stability, maturity, and a person who knows who they are. To be fair, objective I hope I would like to point out the disadvantages to weigh alongside all of the plusses. To me, the greatest disadvantage of a large age game is purely physical, the factor of aging at different rates.

I am very fit and active and my husband is in declining health, albeit by choice he has a poor dietand sexually things are more challenging and have shifted to a focus on the smalle I am very fit and active and my husband is in declining health, albeit by choice he has a poor dietand sexually things are more challenging and have shifted to a focus on the smaller affections more of them than they used to be. As we get older some things become less easy for us A second disadvantage, that I learned later than I should have after the honeymoon period, as they sayis that we are essentially a generation apart and my husband, while much younger at heart in many ways, still clings to some traditional expectations which have been a struggle at times to communicate about and find solutions, i.

I refuse to be the only one cooking and cleaning! Overall, I think, it's about a match in maturity level and life goals and values.

If those things are compatible I think a large age gap, with devotion, can work. I was in a relationship with a man 21 years older than me from the age of 26 to I think, like everything else, it depends on the individuals as well as the age span.

The difference between a 41 and 53 year old isn't so great; between an 18 and a 31 year old, well, that's entirely another matter. What they were alluding to was the statistical reality that, if we were to stay t What they were alluding to was the statistical reality that, if we were to stay together, his health would likely decline well before mine. A friend put it less delicately: "You're going to end up changing his diapers. He didn't get my taste in music or my cultural references; I personally don't care much for Gordon Lightfoot.

I loved going out to clubs and bars; he hated it because he was hard of hearing. I hated being spoken of as "my 26 or 27, or 28, or 29 year old girlfriend. We remain good friends. I think the short answer is: it depends. It depends on where each of you are personally, professionally, and financially in your lives, your respective maturity levels, your life goals, and probably many more things than I can even think of. At 23, I married a man who was 43, and we were together 11 years 12 years' total relationship time.

In retrospect, I would say my emotional reasons for marrying a man so much older are exactly what you're thinking. Once I outgrew that "need," there wasn't much left. Some of the distinctive features of our relationship: Very little shared culture or history. I'm a polymath when it comes to music, so I appreciated many of his favorites, but he was disdainful of mine.

He fought in Vietnam, a place and a war I know only from the history books. And the list goes on. These sound like small d These sound like small details until you consider trying to have an intimate conversation with someone for whom you must continually explain and contextualize things. Had he been a wise man, I at least could have looked up to him as a sort of teacher, but he simply couldn't fill that role. He had teenaged children.

Add to this the complications of his terrible post-divorce relationship with their mother, and I had a tough job as a stepmother.

It was never clear what I should be to those kids - definitely not mother, but they desperately needed something more than a friend. They were insolent, lazy, and narcisisstic. I was old enough to be irritated by their behavior, yet too young to feel the maternal compassion they needed and deserved. I wanted to go places and do things, but he didn't.

His health was bad due mainly to poor lifestyle choices that wouldn't have made as much of a difference had we been the same age.

He was emotionally immatureand that's why he found a year-old to his liking. In retrospect, I realize that, even at 23, I was always the adult in the room. In the decade that followed, that gap grew into a yawning chasm, and I developed something like contempt for his impulsiveness. I believe emotional immaturity often drives the choice of a mate who is much younger.

There are many exceptions to the rule, of course. And, as a handful of posters under this question demonstrate, there are delightful exceptions within Western culture as well. The significance of an age difference also diminishes over the years. While 20 and 40 are a long way apart mentally speaking, 30 and 50 are not so much, and 40 and 60 even less. I have a friend whose husband is 20 years older than she is. They married when she was in her 30s, and 10 or so years later, they're very happy.

The husband is so active and youthful, there probably aren't a lot of women his age who could keep up. I believe the key differences between my friend's marriage and mine are the age at which she married the younger partner's character was fully formed, so she hasn't evolved much and the older partner's excellent physical condition and youthful outlook.

When contemplating a relationship with someone much older or younger than yourself, consider maturity, health, and the family situation. What are you and the prospective partner seeking in a mate? Might those needs change as the years roll on? What family obligations will the relationship create? Might the younger partner end up "changing the diapers" of the older?

Take off the rose-colored glasses and ask yourself: Is the match likely to stand the test of time? My husband is 16 years younger than me. We met online at a social networking site that has since perished. It was not a dating website because neither one of us was looking. I knew his age, he did not know mine because I only posted minimal personal information about myself, being wary of letting stuff out on the internet. We "saw" each other in various groups and each independently found the other's personality attractive.

I dismissed anything happening because of our age difference and the fac I dismissed anything happening because of our age difference and the fact that we lived miles apart.

He did not.

Apr 19, †∑ Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone years their junior or senior.

He wrote me out of the blue and said he wanted to make me "swoon" and that statement right there did! We wrote and phoned each other massively after that for 6 months, then were married.

He moved to live with me and we are blissfully happy. No, everything's not always easy, but it's way easier when you love each other as much as we do. He's 45 and I'm He's an old soul and I'm immature. We're both interested in the same things sometimes and not other times.

We laugh and love and cry together and nothing will ever, ever be bad enough to stop that. We are totally committed and age makes absolutely NO difference in our relationship because we don't let it!

Answered Jun 29, When we first met, I was 18 and he was 40, age did not make any difference to me at the time. As the relationship moved forward, we ran into issues with family and friends and outside perceptions, but none of that really mattered. We were together for nearly 13 years, but the problems in the relationship stemmed from the fact that I matured over time whilst he regressed.

I still say that age was not the problem, but my lack of experience and self-awareness when we first got together made me accept the way he treated me without question. In effect, it was his character that broke the marri In effect, it was his character that broke the marriage, rather than his age.

I have dated since, anywhere from 6 to 20 years difference, but I'm much more aware of what I am looking for in a partner; and I am consciously thinking about the age difference, because I want to spend as much time as possible with the person I eventually build a future with.

When I was 34 and a half I started going out with a woman of It wasn't long before I moved in with her.

Dating significant age difference

In all we spent 8 marvellous years together. Nevertheless, the age gap between us grew as time went on. Though there was significant overlap when we met, she was reaching the end of a life-stage that I was just entering.

breeds contempt

There was also a significant life-stage that I had missed There was also a significant life-stage that I had missed out on. She had grown-up children, but I had none.

A big part of me wanted to find someone who would want to start a family with me, but that wasn't the main reason we split up.

Age had something to do with it though, because it was what stopped us especially her seeing what was actually going wrong. If we had been different races or had different mother tongues maybe that would have been the 'issue' that all the other, more significant issues could hide behind. For us it was the 18 year age gap.

There are so many differences between any two people that age seems one of the least important. It is 3 years since we went our separate ways.

I have been fortunate in my life to have been on both sides of this equation. When I was a teenager, I got involved with a woman 15 years my senior. We were together on and off until I was 30, with us living together for the last several years. I am grateful for all I learned from her, and it has made me a better person.

Sep 13, †∑ Know When the Difference Is Too Large. Sometimes a significant age gap makes a relationship impossible. No matter how real your feelings are, getting involved with someone under the age of 18 can lead to serious legal trouble. Even if youíre legally in the clear, a large age difference can undermine the long-term viability of your relationship. Jun 27, †∑ A year relationship age gap comes with a new set of challenges, according to the Ashley Ross. Feb 21, †∑ Of course, in the aftermath of a celeb breakup, the rumor mill always swirls. In this case, I was not shocked to see some cite age difference as the reason for their split; she is 27, he is Itís an interesting question: Is age really just a number, or is there something about.

She however never wanted to be married, never wanted to have kids, and at first I thought I didn't want these things either, but realized I did as I approached When I was 33 I met a woman who was 12 years younger. She was from Bulgaria, was coming to the US to work f She was from Bulgaria, was coming to the US to work for the summer, and was seeking a pen pal. We created a connection online that blossomed when I met her for the first time during her work program.

She turned 21 the day we met in person.

Is Age Difference In Dating Important

I went there, she came here the next summer and then we got married. We have been married for 13 years, and we have 3 children. I sometimes think it works well, because we've had to overcome the cultural differences, so the age differences make no difference.

Both were very unique people, and I think the age matter much less than the connection between the two people. When my 24 year-old elder daughter married a man 11 years her senior I was not happy.

Age disparity in sexual relationships

A few months ago I attended their 25th wedding anniversary. My son-in-law was in tears when he eloquently described his wonderful wife and marriage. I was a bit moist around the eyes myself. On the other hand, my other daughter's marriage to a man almost the same age is now breaking up after 27 years. The lesson? It's not about age, it's about people. Bear in mind before allowing yourself to become entangled that women live longer than men so if a woman marries an older man she's statistically likely t Bear in mind before allowing yourself to become entangled that women live longer than men so if a woman marries an older man she's statistically likely to be widowed early.

Answered Jul 3, Consider the other person, whichever you are. And being brutally real: At some point the older person will be at the outer edge of what is attractive to the younger. The younger may think, well in 10 years they'll be older but so will I. In 10 years the older will be beyond what is attractive to the younger. If you both hit that point together, that's life.

repeats itself Pride

If the younger just can't imagine being with anyone else even if the older is a bag of wrinkles, they're with the right person. If the younger honestly has a limit Don't we all? How fat could you're mate get before the relationship How fat could you're mate get before the relationship would become platonic?

If the older doesn't want to do that to the younger, if the younger really won't be able to get past that, figure that out now. Quora UserAs a Male human I am more than vaguely familiar with the topic. I am just under 10 years younger than my wife.

People see us together and then hear us both speak and often wonder how the hell we happened. I just tell them she made me do it. In the beginning, my wife used to love to tell her friends she was dating a younger guy we only dated for about 4 months before getting married. It rarely comes up anymore. I notice it most when we play those games that couples play like when an old song comes on the radio you both guess what year it came out.

Or she will talk about what she was doing when a Or she will talk about what she was doing when a particular movie came out. I watch a lot of TV and my wife likes a lot of the same music that my mother used to play around the house old disco, Streisand, Manilow, Luther, etc She is flustered that I often know the words better than she does I cant believe I admitted to that in print It adds an extra layer to the conversation.

I like it. Since my teens, I was attracted to older women and had several short-lived relationships during my twenties with women who were 12 - 15 years my senior.

The attraction between us was initially sexual even though I'm no hunk. The sex was much better than it was with girls my age but our age differences eventually made them self-conscious among their peers. Similarity entails many things, including personality, interests and values, life goals and stage of life, and physical traits age being a marker of physical appearance.

Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings.


Read more: The science of romance - can we predict a breakup? Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because, with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf time and effort in child bearing and rearing. So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest resources into a relationship and family.

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But because the building of resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for others. For this, socio-cultural explanations might provide insights. With more women working, in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a reliance on men for resources.

So fewer women will prioritise resources when looking for a mate. Some suggest a lack ofor a reduced pool of, suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences. Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples.

Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships. A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of social disapproval.

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