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Students Dating College Professors


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One night, we got a little too carried away and he was arrested for drunk driving, with yours truly in the passenger seat. It even made the front page of the local news. My laid-back, west coast father came to the east coast and met him. Then my hardworking, big city mother came to the east coast and met him. My friends were polarized - they thought the relationship was either charming or revolting.

As for me, I felt emboldened.

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I had made the choice to make a grown man in a position of power shake with desire. One night postcoital, professor and I were eating roasted nuts and drinking red wine naked in his bed.

I was 20 years old at this point. We put it on. In the film, Woody Allen plays his typical pervy-uncle trope, twice-divorced, in the midst of dating a year-old.

As a young academic, I was repeatedly sexually harassed at conferences

Do you believe that? Not that I have anything to hide but there are a few disgusting little moments that I regret.

Watching that film that night with professor, I realized my role as a time-wasting toy, the fun tonic for revitalizing the jaded, irresponsible prof.

I realized that the fact my professor even showed me this film was a game. I was all a game. Know your professor's status. Before jumping in and asking him out, make sure you know that he would be open to some kind of relationship.

There are a few different variables to watch for, some of which you can pick up while in class or talking around campus. Check his relationship status. If your professor is single, then you should feel comfortable at least trying. If he is married, you may still be able to get a physical relationship out of it, but it will probably be very secretive. Of course, you have to decide if that kind of person is someone you want to be involved with.

early bird catches

Learn his preferred gender. College campuses are among the most welcoming environments for a variety of gender preferences. You don't want to embarrass yourself by asking out your professor only to discover he prefers a gender other than yours, so look for clues to who he likes.

How to react when your university lecturer likes you? So this teacher at my university behaves really strangely around me. Dating Advice Dating Experiences Best Online Dating Sites. Sep 12, †∑ I dated my university professor - and it was a messy, eye-opening experience I was 17, he was My friends were polarized - they thought the relationship was either charming or Molly Willows. Apr 06, †∑ My university allowed a lecturer to date students - until it backfired A colleague took advantage of vague guidelines on staff-student relationships. We must end this abuse of power.

Know your university's rules for sexual harassment. This covers both you and your professor. Either of you could get in trouble for acting on an attraction, especially if the feeling is not mutual. If your professor does not respond to your pursuit, drop it. It's definitely not worth getting in trouble with the university for harassing him. Wait until the semester is over.

look gift horse

Most schools have policies against professors dating students, and they are strictest when it comes to students they are actually teaching. To avoid unnecessary headaches for both of you, don't act on your feelings until the semester is over. Your best bet is really to wait until you have graduated.

helps those

That gets rid of any chance you will ever have a class together in the future. Even if your relationship is over by that point, a bad ending can have lasting repercussions on your grade or classroom demeanor. It will also be much easier for your professor to see you as mature if you are not still in school.

Remember that when you are in the class, your relationship is definitely unequal.

shared problem

Your professor holds a significant amount of power as the person who teaches and grades the class. It is never good to be intimate with someone who has that kind of influence over your future. If your professor is younger and untenured, a relationship with a student is a good way for him to lose his job.

upset the apple-cart

Understandably, he will be unlikely to take a risk like that. Even tenured professors can lose their job over dating students. Ask directly for a date. If you want a relationship with your professor, you will probably need to be direct about it. Given the potential complications, as well as the concern over sexual harassment complaints, he will probably be very hesitant to ask you himself.

Being direct also means both of you know what is happening. This is not the time for grey areas. If you are both clear about your romantic intentions, he will be more likely to reciprocate appropriately. Don't get played.

Be warned that some professors will encourage relationships with their students especially male professors and females students to bolster their own egos. If you think your professor is using you in this manner, get out before anything happens.

If he is willing to initiate flirting quickly or suggests things that past students have done, and otherwise blatantly ignoring school rules, he is probably signaling that you are not the first, and probably won't be the last. There can be other signs in the classroom. Watch to see if your professor flirts regularly with other students along with you, brags about his attractiveness, or seems to be hung up on how the students see him.

These can all be signs he sees relationships with students as a way to boost his own ego. If you have a concern, older students and TAs will probably have more information. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Tips Avoid public displays of affection.

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Even schools without rules for student-professor relationships generally frown upon them. Keep the physical contact limited to more private settings. This will help prevent staring, gossip, and other unfortunate side effects of your relationship.

Jun 21, †∑ If you're dating a professor whose classes you take, students may think you're getting special treatment or grades you haven't earned, no matter if you actually are. Say your professor/partner tutors you in a subject you're struggling with or helps you figure out which classes to take and get you the classes you need. Jan 11, †∑ As far as I know it is not illegal for a student at University to date a lecturer, as both are adults. It may not be moraly "right" for any teacher to date a student but when it is not against the law there is nothing you should do about it. Even if the person a lecturer begins dating is no longer a student, if they used to teach their partner, universities may be concerned should they be notified of the relationship. If a lecturer makes a habit of dating former students, it could tarnish their reputation, branding them as someone who uses their students as a potential dating pool.

Age matters. Many professors are older, and will probably not be interested in a meaningful relationship with a college underclassman, someone half their age or younger.

There's definitely nothing morally wrong with dating your lecturer/tutor. What would be wrong is your lecturer giving you a better grade. If a lecturer came onto . Dec 12, †∑ Dating your professor can be complicated, but if you feel itís the right move, there are a few simple things you can do to get closer to them. The next time you have class, try some subtle cues to signal youíre interested. For example, sit closer to the front of the class so they notice you more, and make direct eye contact during lectures%.

But, if you are an older student, and closer to your instructor's age, dating might be more likely. This is more likely in graduate or pre-professional programs, like law school.

What You Need to Know About Professor-Student Relationships

Don't take rejection personally. There are many reasons why your professor would not want to date you, but don't allow that to affect the way you behave in class or talk about your professor to others. Being disruptive or attempting to blackmail him with false threats won't help you at all, and could get you in trouble. Warnings If other people in the class know you are dating the professor, they will probably resent you for the grades you get, especially if your grades are among the best in the class.

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Dating my university lecturer

A few stares and you made up the rest in your head. Kingslayer : I am sorry but you got the scenario wrong. I always take notes putting my head down and whenever I look up I find him staring at me.

Not glances, long stares. Its not that usual teacher-checking-out-student-type of thing. And it's extremely awkward. He had tried to talk personal with me but I avoided and changed the conversation. I don't actually like him in that way.

It's him who has difficulty in controlling himself when I am around. And this makes me uncomfortable because I don't like that. Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. Anonymous : What did he say that was personal?

What did you say when he asked you out? At least not what you want it to mean. Another staring post, combined with mind reading. But the awkwardness of the situation bothers me especially that he is a teacher. I was wondering how I can decently tell him that I am not comfortable with him but maintain a healthy teacher -student relationship. Edited on December 29, at UTC by the author. HikerVeg Send a private message.

There is no way he will want to work as a thesis advisor to someone who is so uncomfortable with him. Everything is you thinking hes doing something that indicates he likes you Maye all this is in your head? FYI my classmates noticed that too.

Are Male Professors Obsessed With Female Students?

So I am not actually overthinking. Anonymous : How much actual time do you have to be around him? You go to lecture and he stares but after class is it necessary that you meet with him for discussions? Is the class that complicated that you need to see him more than a few hours at a time while surrounded by classmates? Professors see dozens of co-eds a day every day for years.

The idea that one is so unusual that she casues him to stare and act strangely is silly. Many professors act that way all the time. Are you getting a degree in mind reading? Stuff thing this makes it clear that much of this is in your head. Did he tell you? Has he asked you out? You like him, too. You admitted it in your post.

3 thoughts on “Dating my university lecturer”

  1. Excuse for that I interfere Ö But this theme is very close to me. Is ready to help.

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