How to Date a Doctor
If they're working the night shift, you'll be lucky to see them for dinner before they head out. View this post on.
They're always going to be busier than you, no matter what you have going on. Joel Jeffrey joeljeffrey. Reply Retweet Favorite. It doesn't matter if it's Christmas Day; their patient is only going into labour once. Charles M. You can now see the logic of syncing your calendars and using date apps. Instagram: joojoonaz. Listening to their horror stories means you have developed a stomach made of steel. Having less time together makes you appreciate it more. This broke my heart. As a married female resident, I wanted to offer you the other side of this Your husbands love you, and miss you.
I have no control over my schedule I'm sure you all remember those daysand it kills me to know that he has moved thousands of kilometers away from our home town with me so that I can do this residency. And what is even worse, is to think of him alone in our house Christmas Day while I work a 24 hr in-house call shift. Our first Christmas married I want you all to know that you are loved and appreciated. Your husbands love you, and love that you are able to do what they cannot.
My husband's simply daily things, like grocery shopping, cooking, waking up with me to make coffee in the morning-are far from unnoticed. They are an essential part of my existence The part that among all the heartbreak and death and pain of my patients, makes me feel like a human being, worthy of having my own life.
Medicine is not an easy lifestyle for anyone, and sometimes the only thing that gets me through is knowing that at the end of the day or twoI get to come home to my loving husband. And for your husbands, you are that person.
You matter, they love you, so please don't ever feel alone-your husbands hearts are right there with you. And yet when retirement comes up in the conversation, its a definite "not while I have the skills "- 75 maybe? That's another 15 for me. I can't complain about the first 24yrs. But DON'T become in need of care as a spouse!
We are trying to work together to live together in 3 years but since we are homosexuals and in an arabic country its kinda hard to try to live here so we have to wait for her to graduate to get out of here. Now those are not the problems in my head anymore, whats in my head is how arewe goin to deal with this, ive told her sometimes u wont have anytime for me nor for your kids if we decide to have kids you wont be at the holidays nothing like that and she is always tryin to see everything positive and tells me dont worry ill schedule myself, and im like baby you will not be able to schedule urself your life would be in a hospital.
I am scared of passing through all this you guys have passed before i even got to this blog i've thought bout it a lot. Honestly i love my baby future doctor honestly i would never leave her, but im scared of not knowing how to deal with all situations and emotions by myself, and this have already began, that means evrytime is going to be worse and ill got to be more strong.
Please girls advice me because this is already really overwhelming. I have to say that reading this is exactly what I needed today. I have been dating a neuro surgeon that has his own practice for a few months now. The first few months were wonderful we saw each other every few weeks, we live about miles from each other. It has been a couple of months since I have seen him or even really talked to him. I have been doubting if this relationship is going to work because I hardly ever talk to him so my first reaction is okay who else is he seeing???
When we are together it is amazing he obviously has work that he takes care of when I am there but for the most part he tries his best to leave work at the office. I get sweet texts some morning when he is on his way to the office and that's all it takes the rest of my day is amazing. Its the days when I don't get a text that I worry I feel terrible now for ever doubting him.
I haven't ever felt this way about anyone and yea that is a little unnerving in by itself but then add the not texting for several days and not seeing him that often and you cant help but wonder A few of my friends have flat out stopped talking to me because of him.
I would come back from one of our weekends together and they would ask how it was and I would talk about how amazing it was and what all we did. I actually had one of my friends say to me, " why are you worried about what he is doing when you aren't there he spends hundreds of dollars on you when you are there who cares that he hasn't texted you".
It isn't money that he is just throwing around on useless things, its for dinner movies normal date stuff that people do over a course of a month and we cram into one weekend. The weekends that we spend together are non stop we are always doing something or going to see friends People in general don't understand how much money it actually takes to just be a doctor.
Funny thing is he told me when we met that he was ready to stop focusing so much on work and start focusing more on his life. I know this post is kind of all over the place but I had to get it out I Here's to hoping that this coming weekend he isn't on call, doesn't have to fill in, doesn't have a million charts to finish, and doesn't have any crazy medical emergencies!!!
I am so glad I found this blog! Everything about the loneliness and bourdon of raising the kids solo resonates. My kids are now 14, 12 and When they were younger it was so hard to be alone and take care of them. He could come home from trips and I was too worn out to fake the good cheer. Now it's easier, as they are older, and he's making more time for them. But now it also comes out that he resents my past negativity and lack of appreciation for his hard work I didn't want to talk about my issues with him because, as many of you have said, my little problems couldn't compete with what he was dealing with at work.
Just can't win. I ran across your post out of desperation. See, I am a SAHM and my husband has just gotten accepted into a 4 year pediatrics residency program this year. I am so beyond afraid of what lies ahead in terms of residency; the loneliness, missing out on years of family experiences together, raising two kids by myself we have a 1.
My husband had quite a late start in his career; he will be almost 40 by the time he starts residency so I feel we are already way behind in that sense, but also he has had a very hard time getting into residency as he went to med school outside the US.
It has already taken him us 3 years since he got out of school and finally just matched this year. The first year is mostly research with regular hours followed by those daunting 3 years. So I feel like we have to wait yet another year just for the daunting part of it to start. I feel like this pressure of finding a residency has already taken a toll in our relationship and somewhat "controlled" us for so long that I am already so tired of it.
I know after residency he would choose a flexible job which would allow for the most family time. But it is the path we have to go through to get to that point that really scares me. I am afraid of what these years ahead could mean to our family; make it or break it. Well, the thing is he knows exactly how I feel and he has offered to give it all up.
To not do residency and leave medicine behind. To find another job, a more family oriented one, move to another more financially friendly state we are in California and have a fresh start. Part of me wants to say Yes!!! I feel a sense of freedom would come with it, but I am also afraid of what this could mean for us in the long run.
He would be leaving his career, something he has worked so hard for and his passion for his family. He is a great man and I know he will always put his family first but this is such a hard decision. I know in terms of so many things as well as financial stability choosing another path is very uncertain, we would also have the student loans we would have to pay back.
And on the other hand the thought of having to go through these residency years ahead haunts me. I know many of you understand how Im feeling and a lot of you have been there for many years already.
So I want to know, if you woud have been given the option to take a totally different path and have a fresh start, would you have taken it?? We need to come to a decision pretty soon and I really need some insight. I would never ever choose a different path. It is hard! But I love him so much. Sometimes it's easy to forget all the wonderful times we had together before he got into med school.
It's easy to forget why I chose to be with him in the first place. Even if they don't see him that often they know, and I know that he Ioves us so much.
He needs a house that he can call home and a family that loves him. I would never give up on him because he got nobody else. I have days when I feel like I don't want to do this anymore, but then I go through old pictures and letters and to remind myself that we had it figured out once, and we can figure it out again.
I won't break his heart not after all the faith he has in me. Absolutely do not let him take a fellowship and you should be okay They turn their back on everyone in their lives at that point it seems. Your children would take a backseat to strangers children and would suffer the psychological consequences that would result from that neglect. Hi ladies. I have been married to my doctor husband for 36 years. I can honestly say it has been the worst decision of my life.
I have spent my life alone waiting for things to get better. After med school, after residency, after setting up a practice. But now he is a senior doc and is called on for all the difficult stuff and can't or won't say no. And now he is in his 60s. Guess what?
He is living with the health effects from working upwards of hrs a week. Can I leave him now? Of course not. My kids have run as far away from medicine as possible in terms of a career and my daughter only dates people who have balance in their lives. I do know other doctors who have more balance but take a cold hard look at what your life will be like if your man is married to medicine.
You love a medical guy? My advice would be to date him when he has free time. Ma'am I really do thank you for being very blunt and quite honest in your writing about your life. I"am a man married to a female doctor with two daughters one is five years of age the other two and a half.
I will, and have said before that is is one of the worst decisions to marry a doctor also. Just ridiculous, what do they know!?
Very wise words when tell others to take a very cold hard look at there life. I was to late in that.
Aug 14, †∑ They were very fascinated to date me in the beginning when they knew I was a doctor. But, as time passed by, it so happened that when I had time they were busy and My schedule demands nearly hrs of work per week. Some body who is really understanding can only date a doctor / a doctor hersel / a nurse can feel comfortable dating a doctor. Sep 06, †∑ Hi ladies. I have been married to my doctor husband for 36 years. I can honestly say it has been the worst decision of my life. I have spent my life alone waiting for things to get better. After med school, after residency, after setting up a practice. But now he is a senior doc and is called on for all the difficult stuff and can't or won't. Aug 30, †∑ Survey: Surgeons Are The Most Attractive Doctors. Respondents believed most are practically minded, possess a high IQ, and can remain calm in difficult situations. The fact that surgeons are likely to be "good with their hands" was cited as an additional plus. Thereís even good news for doctors in other fields.
Couldn't agree more. My two daughters have each chosen a man who is emotionally and physically available, thank goodness. This blog has been so helpful. I'm 22 and I have been dating a med student for 3 years. He's lovely! But we only really get time together in the summer. I was sure I was just over sensitive until I read your posts! I feel unwanted most of the time but I know he tries to make time.
We are young. I'm always torn between wanting to spend time together doing loads of fun things and giving him space to pursue his dream.
I don't want to stress him! I've already approached him like a million times to ask why he has been distant with me but now I'm realising it's his work load but he doesn't want to admit it's a lot for him. He will always downplay it! Im not sure whether he isn't ready for it to get any more serious than it is or that he cannot juggle my needs and his duties. Should I just end it if the loneliness bothers me already?
I see a future with him but I'm not sure whether I can handle it. We just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary We have 5 children and like so many I feel alone most days. While we have a good marriage but he has no idea how lonely I am for my him.
We Finally spent a week alone together for our anniversary and it was glorious! I am clinging to it because we are back to the same old thing I must admit this last couple of years has been hard on me. The kids are so involved and I am busy with them but I long for my husband to work less. These insane hours are wearing on me and I fear what has happened to so many I know will start to happen to us. The first week home he is already covering someone elses cases I struggle with where to draw the line Again we have never had coverage when we needed it.
Now I try to put myself in his shoes and he has always had a problem standing firm in any decision so its hard for him to say no. He feels obligated so often and wants to be a nice guy I don't think he even realizes how he hurts me when he so often chooses work. I have no support in this and so many of the DW have just accepted this life I just cant ,I want more There are so many days I wish I had a normal life and he had a normal job.
I am sooooo proud of him but his career has broken me in a way I don't know if I can piece back together. I have so often heard wow you married a doctor The truth is I will always come second to his job and he will never know how lonely I am for him to put me first.
He of course had to check his emails while we were on vacation Maybe I have to accept it Maybe that's why so many I know live separate lives I feel each of your words. I also know that my husband's job as a Surgeon is before us my kids and I.
I have no family nearby as I am from a different country. I've been feeling like a single mother for many years.
He doesn't even think he works that much even though he sleeps 5 hours a night when he sleeps at all! I don't care about the money, I have suggested him to downsize if needed for him to work less.
All he says is that it wouldn't change the amount of time that he works. I have been understanding of the demands of his career for many years, but I have come to realized that I'm not happy living this way. I want him to commit more to his family and himself. Sometimes I think he is the man who shouldn't have had a family but just a career too late for that now though.
Aww God bless all u patient strong wives. Please think that there is something worse: being a doctor, a wife of a doctor, a mother and the only daughter of a disabled mother.
Sometimes I feel the worst wife, mother and daughter. Some other times I feel alone in my marriage. Sometimes I complain to my kids and to my husband. Sometimes I feel burned out, but I have to carry on. I love my job very much and it has give me many joys, but stimultaneus many hours apart from my children, my husband and my mother when there is a need. Sometimes I think I'II get crazy or dipressed.
Some other times I admire myself and ask God for help. This post and the comments are an eye opener. Better to now what you're going into in a relationship with a doctor or would-be-doctor. I'm really glad I found this post today!
Thanks for sharing! I'm raising great kids alone I'm alone at all those same events They steal it. It's been a huge personal sacrifice to support my husband all these years. And yet I have such profound respect for his role in our community.
In his field he sees some of the worst cases, this week alone: a sweet little 6 yo boy beaten to death by the father Google know-it-all moms demanding medical marijuana and threatening to sue the province for not having access to pot to treat epilepsy Okay, here is one for you A married male neurologist is married to a pediatric physician. Their marriage falls apart because they are both working way too many hours, and they lose their way in life.
They have money for nannies, trips, vacation homes, their children go to the finest colleges, etc. Husband has affair with me, after telling me that he and his wife have grown apart, and we were together for five years. Wife finds out, affair continues, but now he is the perfect husband, and she is the perfect wife.
Am I a homewrecker? Fell in love with his passion for his love for neurology. Did he ever buy me anything other than a coffee or a dinner?
He was lonely, as was she. Except his wife was and still is a witch. Why am I still with him? I ask myself that every day. He is controlled by his pediatric physician wife, trying to help others with their illness, and still is with me. Oh, boo hoo to me you say Damn straight. When you are made a promise and fall in love with a man who has a broken marriage, you begin to believe that one day you will be with him.
Dating a doctor, how hard is it? Is it working out?
People should marry for love, not money. Married men should not reach out to vulnerable women who buy their story of being lonely bc they are married to a woman who should have been a librarian. Bottom line. Don't fall in love with a married man.
Don't fall in love with a doctor. Hello to everyone in this thread. I know we don't know each other, but it seems like we all share a commonality that connects us all very deeply. I, too, am the wife of a doctor dermatology resident. We have been together for over ten years, but only married for 6 months. I've done the pre-med, med school, residency, etc.
What do you guys do about this- do you go with your spouse? Stay at home? Not worry? Thank you so much. I just found this blog. I completely understand. Last year i met a wonderful neurosurgeon and within 6 months he told me he was in love with me. No lie he was one of the kindest human beings I've metbut I was afraid of getting deeper into the relationship, so I ended it.
He was devastatedcalled me every night crying telling me to please go back. The thing is I didn't want to marry someone who I'd never see or spend time with. I also felt like I could never be a good wife. Now after reading this blog I feel like I made the right choice. I still cry every night for himbecause I love himprobably always will. He still writes to me telling me that until his last breath he will love me. The thing is I know il always be alone and we'll he's a little older than I am.
Dating a surgeon can be difficult
Dating a dr is hard. Its so good to be a part of this blog. While reading the article I could actually picturize my near future. I am in relationship with my fiance for almost a year. He is an Anesthesiologist.
No lie he is so very loving and caring understands me feeling,but I must say loving and dating a doctor is really hard. For our differences in work field I am from non medical background we stay in different cities and hardly get to spend quality time together. Its always for his prior commitment that we always end up cancelling our plan of being together. Its always been I who is being tested for patience,loyalty and trusting and trying to adjust with his uphelangun.comedictable time schedule.
Next year we are getting married but I already see a tough life ahead of me. I love his way of loving me,his compassion towards our relationship,his loyalty ,reason for mine marrying him not for his paycheck but I guess I also need a companion,a life partner,someone who will be beside me when ill be needing him the most.
I really don't know how will I cope up with every matter without him by my side in this new road ahead of me. After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm.
My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there.
COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery. We have been married 2 decades in a new city away from family and friends and I am this close pinches fingers to starting a local Facebook Club for people like us. What do they all do from 8am-2?
Jan 17, †∑ The Best Motivator. Dating a doctor is a huge motivator for me. I mean, seriously, itís hard for me to complain about my job when my boyfriend is working hour work weeks and dealing with life-or-death emergencies. It helps put my small, first world problems into perspective. Doctors are, for the most part, extremely responsible and determined.
I am running errands related to school or the volunteer work I do or just plain running this house I would love to meet up at the gym ladies!
Have you created your Facebook Club yet? Would love to join! What part of SoCal are you in? The point missed in this article is that many doctors also have narcissistic personality traits.
After dating a doctor for 5 years and finally realizing that what I'm dealing with is an excessive need for being put on a pedestal and adulation by mainly female colleagues of lower professional rank nurses I decided to move on. I have my own profession and my own interests, and was definitely not pursuing a doctor for intimate partnership, but I quickly realized that my environment started seeing me as only girlfriend of Dr. So and So. Personally, I like to have my own identity and not be defined by my attachment to Dr.
That's just too high a price to pay. Thank you for writing. It really helped to make me feel better. Having to be on your own on holidays is really difficult, and no one understands that "isn't your husband here? Thank you for this! It has been very therapeutic to read about other people's experiences. I have been dating a surgeon and we are thinking about marriage. Indeed, it is the loneliness and the lack of time to have intimacy or feel connected with one another that scares me for our future.
And the thought of being a 'single mom' if we have kids. Am still very hopeful and in love. My boyfriend is just going into his third year of med school. We've only been dating for a short time. Anyway, we've discussed marriage already. One night he mentioned to me that we could just stay in hotels and travel the world while he did surgeries.
I'm no doctor so what am I supposed to do twiddle my thumbs in our room while he gets back? Go miserably explore a foreign country by myself wishing my husband was with me? My dream in life as cliche as it sounds is to be happy, and to raise a family - be one of those home mums who goes to school meetings, and award nights, and bakes cakes for their kids school fares.
I want to do that though with my husband involved, not be married and be like a single mum. And as much as I love my boyfriend with my whole heart, I can see now that sadly maybe I might have to reconsider a life married to him. We met when I was 19 and have been together only the past 4 years but the love has never died. Like many of you ladies I also feel like I'm getting the scraps of his time. I do my best to keep busy during the day, school, cleaning, organizing, going to the gym and my daughter.
I have plenty to do but I do it alone. When he comes home he's so exhausted and just wants to veg out and this leaves me alone again.
With a reservoir of knowledge entailed within their minds, it can get somewhat difficult to cope up with a person who is so well-equipped with knowledge and information. This can easily become a hindrance for a person who isn't a doctor and thereby a difficulty in dating a medical professional. thoughts on being married to a doctor THE BEST ADVICE I've started dating this girl a few months ago, but it's only now that it dawned on me how hard it is to date with her crazy work schedule. I do think this girl is a keeper, and I'm more than willing to tolerate, be patient and live with the crazy schedule. Jun 22, †∑ As doctors are intelligent and often passionate about their work, dating a doctor can be a wonderful experience. However, there are certain challenges that come with dating a medical professional. Spending time together can be difficult as doctors schedules are erratic. Try to be understanding that their plans will often change%(20).
On weekends he likes to go out and get away from medicine usually at a bar and although I'm with him I'm not with the real true version of him. I try to be understanding but I find myself getting so angry. Being the first in his family to make it, he now supports the lives of those who didn't.
That list is comprised of his parents including his dad's affair which led to a son, his aunts and cousins in Europe his sister and her husband who are handicapped and whoever comes his way asking for a handout. It's very noble but still demanding. When he doesn't have his patience he has his family who seem more and more to have self inflicted issues they gamble, drink and smoke which lead to health issues and bills. We are very blessed. We are only engaged and as much as I love him, I can't handle the pain of watching my goals and dreams wash away to be at his disposal.
Glad I found this post. I am becoming more lonely now than before. Every school events, social gathering, especially weekend calls is making me sad.
I don't mind long hour days but not having a companion during weekends. Calls during thanks giving and Christmas makes me really upset.
It should be our time with boys. Somehow snow days when everyone else is off, I feel like my husband is the only one working I know there are many but it is very hard. I don't want to sound like I hate what he does but it's really difficult to be flex parents every time.
Most of all it's lonely! I am engaged to marry a surgeon next fall. These past few weeks have made me very depressed. I miss him so much. I can deal with the hours its when he comes home and is so burnt out it kills me.
On his days off he sleeps all day long. All i want to do it cry reading all of these posts. I love him more than life, He says the hours will get better after residency I really hope so.
The belief that it will surely and most certainly get better at the next phase is what keeps us all hanging on. I don't know how to manage the resentment. I knew intern year would be brutal and I hoped residency would be a little better, and it was. Fellowship was worse and now that my doc has been an attending for 2 years, it is worse than it has ever been. Yes, worse than intern year. It doesn't get better. They took an oath and it is who they are.
I've started to get annoyed when close friends approach him for medical guidance. As much as I want to share his brilliance and compassion with the world, I know that once he makes that connection with someone's sick parent, it is easily hrs less of our family time, and he won't even be treating them. I'm so sick of waiting around every night and weekend to see if he will have a minute for me. He's a devoted father and every ounce of free time goes to his kids. I often feel it's harder than being a single mom because the false hope is just torture.
And frankly, you feel like such a loser. I've tried creating my own activities and pursuing interests but it still feels weird.Life of a Doctor: THE TRUTH. Residency is hard!
And everyone always asks why you are out and about alone. I've realized that we are both pretty social people and he thrives on all the action at the hospital. It hasn't been easy for me to create a regular social life that involves me missing a husband.
I'm not going to hit the town with single ladies and couples find it awkward just inviting you over. I'm worried this nightmare journey has destroyed my sense of self and confidence. I have always worked full-time and no employers ever give you any lenience. I had a single mom friend who only had her kids every other week and she was treated with kid gloves. All taken care of by us, the Dr. I'm approaching my 40th birthday and realizing, if anything happens, I will have to plan it myself.
This isn't what I expected. I'd love to hear from more veterans about how to make this work in the long run.
I worry it will only be worse when the kids grow older. I had thought after so many years I would find a way to deal with the resentment. We have been married 16 years and we got married during the week off in between his first and second year of medical school. He did 5 years of residency and a one year fellowship and has been in practice for nearly 7 years.
My youngest starts Kindergarten next fall. I do feel some of the pressure lifting off me in that I can start doing things for myself. It will be nice to have time to do things for myself. A lot of advice I get from others is that you need to build up hobbies and activities of your own so that I am not just waiting for him to give attention and have time for me. The thing I worry about is the reason that we are together is that I don't want to build my own life. I got married so that we could build a life together.
I can see why people get a divorce when their kids get older. I will have time to build a life with friends and activities and travel of which he will be a minor part.
What my boyfriend and I used to do when we were long distance is write really, crazy long emails to each other almost as long as my blog posts. I would find it therapeutic to type out all of my feelings and at the same time he would get an ate. Luckily he also wrote back really long emails and it helped us stay in touch we were doing overseas long distance-so that helped a lot. I think patience and understanding is also important.
My boyfriend is a Doctor. This is my first time being with a doctor. I had no idea he was going to be this busy when we first started dating. We are both away from home. We live and work in Tokyo. I am so glad to read that I am not the only one going through this. It is extremely hard for me to deal with his crazy working hours.
I love him dearly, but sometimes I feel frustrated, we never had a dating phase, we have been on a few dates. He has no time to make plans or ever think about doing something fun together.
When we are together he tries his best to stay awake and make me happy. I do believe that his job is very demanding. I trust him. However, I? Yet, I try to. But not even having 5 minutes to call and check on me? This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. My doctor!
I walked over to a table of women and eavesdropped on their conversation. Still trying to get a doctor? At the time, I never imagined I would someday date a doctor. And now, by dumb luck, here I am. Dating a resident. So no, dating a doctor does not equal abundant wealth. So even though I live with a doctor, I still have to go see a doctor.
When we actually have time together, we really want to make it count. The Best Motivator Dating a doctor is a huge motivator for me. Doctors are resolute. They are decisive. They are steadfast. They make great mentors, with my boyfriend being my 1 supporter. And the best part about dating a doctor?
Thanks for the comment! Aw, glad I can help! Hello everyone, My boyfriend is a Doctor. Leave a Reply Cancel reply.