Military Relationships (MARINE CORPS)
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Sorry to intrude on this discussion. In one way this is funny but on the serious side, it is rightly needed.
Like Kara, my wife is from a middle of no where are south of her home town. Unlike other Marines, I had served in another branch of the Armed Forces and my father had served in two branches himself, so I was a military brat before I ever put on a military uniform.
I had been in a lot of other uniforms before I ever joined the military. Girlfriend boyfriend are NOT any class of military identifiable military associates. A military spouse does. They give a spouse and ID card that lets him or her on a base for access to medical care and a chance to shop at the military exchanges and commissary retail and grocery stores.
You had better be in love with with your military person because Uncle Sweetheart is going to test you almost each and every day.
Worst case I can think of was a standard 4 month deployment of an aviation detachment Air Wing section that went on a Med Cruise. Spouses were gone for 4 months, They got back in on a Friday - were recalled back to their Squadron on Sunday and flew out Monday for an unknown deployment to the other side of the globe for what would turn out to be for 12 months!
Worst case non living arrangement was a Marine with a professional teachers wife. Marine was assigned a 13 month unaccompanied tour on Okinawa, This tour would mean he would not deploy leave from Okinawa for this 13 month time frame as he would be assigned to one of the bases. His command found out and sent him on the next deployment to an FMF unit. Wishing to go overseas with your spouse? He or she in the Marines will, in all probability, be very lucky to get one accompanied overseas tour in a career of 20 years.
The longest my father was at any base non-Marine was 6 years. The longest I was at any command was 3 years. Once the marital knot has been tied, almost any and every base has a spouse support group.
Oh - every branch of the military has their own lingo. FMF as explained means one thing, but some of the Marines have figured out what they think it should mean. These re not always fit for mixed company. He had come into a business that we operate and they met. After a few nights of coming into the business she said yes to a night out. They seemed to genuinely like each other and were getting on fairly well.
He then received orders to go do some training at Quantico for 3 months and two weeks before Christmas just before he was supposed to leave he ended the relationship. Very abruptly. It was odd. One day he was hugging her and holding her hand then next he was detached and distant. She was crushed. The odd thing is that he continued to call her, text her and message her via other SM platforms.
She was hopeful that they would get back together when he got back. She sent him a care package or two while he was gone.
Dating is hard because you don't always know who is a great guy and who isputting up a front. In the realm of military men, try to avoid the ones that get caught up in unit drama. If they gossip about their friends' wives/girfriends/SOs I would stay way. For some people the military . Dating A Marine Corps Officer Pay and thereby accessing the resources of this site, you represent to us that you are at least 18 years of age, that you are not considered a minor in any jurisdiction where you live, from Dating A Marine Corps Officer Pay/ Dating marine officer Kim: those of the eve of things off dozens of killing a marine officer. Ermey, north carolina, and enlistees were still in the dating a marine corps for dummies, are unduly. Meet new people across the marine generals are accused of the first piece is too close is for an army.
On New Years Eve, he called her, a little drunk, but poured his heart out that he really liked her and that he always does stupid things. He then proceeded to tell her that she was his longest relationship! Two whole months!. That he had commitment issues. When it was time for him to come back, she arranged to pick him up from the airport and she dropped him off at home.
No tearlful reunion - he was trying very hard to keep his distance. He told her during the ride home that his command got changed and that he would be deploying for 10 months. She dropped him off and they chatted for the next week. He then came back to the business to see us all. We had him for dinner a few times and we went out as a group once or twice and then poof! He was detached again - telling my daughter he was really busy within no time - making dates to come see her and then pulling a no-show.
Texting her an apology that he got tied up at work. My daughter understood that he had an important job and frankly could easily handle deployment. She cared about him, took care of him when he was ill, sent him a new phone, did anything to help him when he asked. I get that they are taught not to get attached but why would he keep contacting her after breaking it off.
Why does he keep coming around, calling her texting her. I watch her get hopeful and then destroyed over and over. I actually found myself making excuses for him. But sorry - now it ticks me off. I thought Marines were trained to be honorable and decent? She just got this dope under her skin and he toys with her.
It just breaks my heart. I wanted it to work out - they were really cute together. I have a personal rule that I do not get involved in my kids private relationships.RELATIONSHIPS IN THE MILITARY?
My only comment to him was that if he wanted anything with her that he needed to effectively communicate with her. Not just cryptic texts. Spend time with her. Just go to the beach or the movies. Do things together.
He has four months till he leaves and I told him that 4 months is better than nothing if you really want to spend time with that person. Of course he had a few beers in him so who knows. I guess my issue is that if these guys are trained to to get attached, why do they behave like this young man?
Why do they say one thing and mean another? Like any man, they are all different. No one is ok with that. If one is looking for infidelity, alcoholism, untrustworthiness or anything else, you will find reflections of it within the USMC - of either spouse.
I would offer someone should go to the HR section of their employer and learn to interview candidates. If a company does that for a potential employee, why are not we doing it for a potential partner in life? While I agree, one might find fighters in the Brig, I sincerely think that spousal material was not to be found there in its current state.
I should have walked the moment that changed, but I loved him, I was young and I couldn't let go of what I had before.
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However: this is my experience with one man, and it will not in any way fit for every situation. I try very hard not to create my opinion solely on my hurt, but I'd be insane not to admit that it must color it slightly. Make the decision for you, and for him. But please, please don't make life-long sacrifices without appreciating that there are other options.
Military life is not easy, even if you are cut out for it which I am not. Edit: So long, ugh. TL;DR: Dated a military guy for almost three years, lost partnership and equality in my relationship and was ultimately very unhappy. Would not recommend. He cheats constantly, then makes her think it's her fault.
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His license is always getting suspended. He won't get a job. He won't take more than two easy community college classes a semester, and usually ends up failing out of at least one.
He won't let her help him with his school work.
He won't go to tutoring. He won't seek therapy for his PTSD which is definitely causing the substance abuse. He abuses prescription drugs and mixes them with alcohol. He takes drugs with his mother while his baby sister tries to do her homework in the next room.
He once got a pitbull, refused to neuter it, kept it in a cage in his room, beat it, then let it go on a farm when it got too expensive to feed. He's violent, cocky, antisocial, rude, crass, sexist, racist, stupid as a post I could go on and on. Every time she takes him out in a group setting, she ends up crying and apologizing to everyone around because of how flat-out mean he is. All of his military buddies are exactly the same way.
I know several people who have gone the military route and are completely wonderful people. The difference always seems to be that they joined because they wanted to - they kept going to school, did officer or specialized training The mean, stupid, "alpha" guys all just signed up out of high school either because they thought it'd be tough, or they didn't have other options.
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My brother is a high ranking officer in the military and he feels the same way as what your last sentence states, only his view is more angry and loathsome. I think you're right about the last part. I know people who have joined and are total assholes because they thought they would be "alpha" or whatever because they were in the military.
And it's shitty, but I think you're also right about people who don't have options, too. Like they resent life because they had to make that choice. What's odd is that I had the choice of any job in the military and I chose grunt. I cant remember why and I regret it every day of my life. I didn't fit in and now I'm paying the price. I've only dated one guy from the National Guard.
He was a very sweet guy, absolutely nurturing, caring, and funny. I don't think being in the military had an adverse affect on him, but he had never been deployed. I still think he's awesome. He also had a killer body without working out because of it, but ymmv. Unfortunately my sister dated a now-ex Marine who was a total douche-bag, BUT he was like that before he joined.
Joining the Marines just gave him an excuse to act entitled and wear his dress blues everywhere like an asshole. I think how they were raised has so much to do with how they will become after being in the military.
Trust your instincts. If he seems like an awesome guy, he probably is. I imagine being in the military could bring out the violent side in some, but you'd be cautious of that like you would any other person. I don't know if I could deal with someone being deployed and gone for months at a time but a lot of people handle it very well.
I only dated one, and I married him. We met in college and I fell pretty hard. He is the most solid, loving, unflappable and smartest man I've ever met. He's been deployed twice, for 12 months, and 15 months and he came back pretty much the same, except maybe more focused. There have been parts that sucked, like birthing 2 of 3 of our kids without him, but he is so worth it. I dated an ex-military man. They never lose that ability to wake up early!
It's like they're still in the service! Also, I learned a very important thing from him that I use in my life now: don't ever get upset about news until you have all the facts.
It's saved me a lot of heartache and worry. We both moved on to other people, but I'd say by and large, he was fine to date.
Mine hates getting up in the morning. He only does it because if he didn't that would be desertion. Mine had the coffee and bacon and eggs going and I'd be in never never land. I guess it takes all kinds! I haven't had any experience, but my brother is in the military and has a pretty good relationship with my sister-in-law; he and I are close, so I know the ups and downs.
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People are individuals, and you don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy! As for my brother's marriage, I don't think there is anything out of the ordinary other than he is gone a lot and she has to understand and deal with that. That also leads to her being a bit possessive when he gets back understandablybut it can cause a bit of a strain when they visit. He is such a laid back person, had never threatened her she would have told meor anything.
I don't think it's necessarily the military that has done anything. I think my parents just raised him and me to not be shitty people and to treat others well. I know and have met quite a few awesome military guys full disclosure: one of them is related to me. Any that I've hung around have been awesome, mature, not terribly macho, and just generally disciplined and responsible guys. The ones with wives or girlfriends are really respectful, kind, and committed, despite dealing with LDRs in some cases.
There's never been anything to indicate that they were jerks, though of course they could have secret double lives or something. However, these guys are military intelligence, which they admit can be a different breed from military infantry. They're also a small sample, but from talking to them they don't feel like exceptions among the people in their area of the military though they were sometimes out of place among the general population in basic training. He was emotionally abusive and I am still trying to break out of feeling inadequate eight months after breaking up with him.
When I see him on the street, I get flashbacks and it's like he still has power over me, even though I'm dating the best man in the world right now. I regret ever meeting that military dude.
Now I get scared of making anybody mad because I'm afraid they'll hit me. OP, please be careful. People never really mean to be abusive, I think, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt and that it won't fuck you up. I dated someone and dumped him partially because of his plans to join the military. I couldn't do that whole He had some mental issues, but I don't think they were military related per se, he was just a bit depressed and unsure of himself.
Now he's stuck himself in an abusive relationship with a girl because of his seeming need to get married right away. I feel bad for him. My cousin's married to a military man and they seem quite happy. However when he was discharged his daily physical activity changed but his diet didn't and it shows - I don't think she cares though, it's just a big difference in how he looks in just over a year.
Thank you everyone for your responses. The variety of experiences is very interesying. For sure I'm going to give this guy a chance. As one poster mentioned, I really don't want to become a self fulfilling prophesy. I'm married to a military man. Granted, we did date before he joined. Yes, there are many cheaters in the military.
Give him a chance It's probably different depending on where they end up in the military. I dated a guy from the coast guard.
Dating a marine officer
Him and all of his buddies were heavy drinkers. He was away a lot for long periods of time, which is a drawback. But he was a good guy and it seemed like the only thing that influenced him from the military was his drinking.
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