PLUS SIZE LOVE: Do I Need to Lose Weight to Date!?
The one exception is based on a question: how well do you handle rejection? Even if you were thin as a rail you would have to deal with it. For those people out there who are hyper-sensitive to rejection, and especially those who are this way because of their weight, you may want to lose the weight before dating.
One of the worst feelings with internet dating is not being contacted by anyone for an extended period of time. If you think this will depress you and only drive you away from dating, then better to not put yourself in that situation. However, I wanted to give myself every opportunity to meet someoneso I started dating immediately. Did I have a lot of success in the beginning? Did I stick with it? I took weight gainer, got the braces off about half-way through my online dating life, and started tanning regularly.
I know you say that physical attraction really does matter to men, but I have a pretty awesome personality and I want that to be, if not of most, of high importance. Please give me some insight! So George, sick of women throwing themselves at him because his rich and famous, decides to go undercover. He grows out his beard, he gains weight, he starts wearing ripped sweatpants wherever he goes. Now, George looks like a homeless man and goes to bars to talk to women.
He still has great knowledge of Darfur, Edward R. Murrow, and the politics behind oil. He can still turn a phrase and crack a joke.
He still has an amazing smile. It would probably not surprise you that George would struggle in his quest for love. Is that YOUR fault for judging the book by its cover? Simply put, when a man finds you attractive, he will take the time to learn about your amazing personality. Which way would you rather have it?
The people who do best are not the ones who try to rewrite the rules of society, but rather, figure out how to navigate them successfully. On a personal note, I have dated three women who lost over 50 lbs and had the same exact issues that you did. One girlfriend used to complain to me that the men in the gym were looking at her - and remark that they never looked at her before.
As if the men were to blame for buying into conventional societal standards of beauty. And the people who do best in the world we live in, Sandra, are not the ones who try to rewrite the rules of society, but rather, figure out how to navigate them successfully. It sounds like you have a great sense of self-esteem to back up your efforts to lose weight. You deserve it. Oh gee here I go being first again.
Yes, I literally do carry a notebook computer with me for school work. But I digress.
This real solution to the excess weight problem is making an uncompromising decision to not settle for the body in which you are living today and beginning to lose weight to become healthier, more attractive and as a result - a happier person. Jun 16, †∑ One in about one MILLION people have an actual disorder that makes it so hard to lose weight that they need medication and GUESS WHAT. THOSE people are ON that medication and they. you guessed it. lose weight. People that are on disability because they "don't want" to lose weight are LAZY! Do NOT mate with these phelangun.coms: Jul 05, †∑ Ainít Nobody Got Time for That. If youíre holding off on dating until youíve lost the weight, bought better clothes, or are awaiting the arrival of a brilliant future version of yourself, youíve set the worst goal ever. Because itís not a goal.
Evan, I can sympathize with this young lady. I just put myself on Weight Watchers as I have a significant amount of weight I want to loose.
I also am very mindful of the position you present as well and I think both sides have valid points. We are still intelligent, erudite, busy, and contributing members of society. We have a lot to offer. But men are attracted to what they are attracted to, whether cosumerism has taught them to be that way or whatever.
Yet we would shoot ourselves in the foot by doing that. One more thought. I wonder if the OP may have used the weight as a means to keep male attention away from her.
I have done that. I would wonder if she used weight as an excuse to hide behind, as well. But I agree that she should be proud of and enjoy the new body she worked so hard for - and realize that most people with great bodies do work hard for them as well, even if there was never a point when they were heavy.
I agree with you, Honey-my husband of 10 years met me when I weighed and even though he is fit and a dreamboat! Your story is very encouraging. I am make but I hope not only women but men understand how important personality can be to someone.
I can tell how happy you guys are. Wish you all the best for many years to come together! Wow, is this is a real letter??
For those people out there who are hyper-sensitive to rejection, and especially those who are this way because of their weight, you may want to lose the weight before dating. One of the worst feelings with internet dating is not being contacted by anyone for an extended period of time. Oct 22, †∑ You never know where someone is on their weight loss journey. Boldly BuzzFeedYellow has changed its name to Boldly. It's the same content you know and love just Bolder. Aside from improved health and self esteem Iím sure having a better dating life as a result of weight loss was something you looked forward to. Your current (justified) attitude is going to cheat you out of those hard won opportunities for good times. At the end of their lives few people wish they spent more time at the office.
My suggestion would be to jump in feet first and date as much as possible. IMO, women should get over the fact that men are hardwired for looks. I used to be fat and now that I lost the weight, I still have the mentality when I was a fat dude.
I wonder how many men actually believe that men are the only ones who are visually oriented?? Girl: he only makes 16 an hour. Love him for him! Other fish out there. This is so true!!!! Men like beauty, women like stability. But men whine when a woman goes after her natural instincts. Fae and Angie, Uh-huh. I feel sure you know what the somewhat less polite though far more accurate term is. Um Buck whoever you are that was a very ignorant statement.
No one said anything about selling it for money. Women like men who are financially stable men like slender women. There is a certain amount of emotional padding that comes with weight, whether intentional or not even subconsciously.
r/loseit: A place for people of all sizes to discuss healthy and sustainable methods of weight loss. Whether you need to lose 2 lbs or lbs, you . Caryl Ehrlich, a weight-loss coach who helps people beat food addiction says that if you decide to tell someone they need to diet; there are tactful ways to take this step. "Instead of outwardly saying 'you need to lose weight,' you could say 'I love you just the way you are and I want you around for a long time for me and the kids, so you. Aug 07, †∑ 'My boyfriend is fat and I find it embarrassing. How can I make him lose weight?' The Telegraph's sex and relationships expert, Dr Petra Boynton, offers advice to .
Sandra will have to go through the process of feeling how the loss of that padding changes her and how others perceive her. It is a big reason why people who undergo surgical weight loss procedures have mandatory psychological counseling before and after surgery. I commend her for losing the weight. She must be ready on some level to deal with the emotional issues related to the change or she would not have been so successful it.
Thus, expecting someone with a similar level of fitness works out well. Perhaps you don't want a man who is as fat as you. How does the woman who wrote this feel about fat men?
I'm sure she clicks past the fat or less attracitve men. Does she call herself shallow? Especially with online dating, there has to be some kind of spark. Deal with it. Yes fat people get a bum rap on dating sites, but it goes both ways. Don't call men shallow for browsing dating sites the same way you do. Hmm is that a real question, why won't all men date huge women?
Well, do men HAVE to find every woman attractive? That's basically what you are saying, actually complaining, that it's not fair. I'm sure NOT. It's a simple equation, all the food you are stuffing down must be used up so IF you want to be slimmer, don't make excuses, be strong, just do it.
I mean, come on, biggest loser contestants can do it when the hope of money is involved. Men can't force themselves to be attracted to a huge woman any more than he can force himself to look at a man, it's just not there if it's just not there.
Back in the middle ages, being fat was considered healthy because people were starving and there was never enough to eat. In a time of famine, the fat woman is impressive. In a time of plenty, the fat woman is a gluttonous pig.
phelangun.com how to tell someone you just want to hook up
Ya know that's kind of funny seeing as I've asked fat women who accuse men of being shallow that have said the exact same as you before and guess what? If you can't date a fat guy then you are your own problem.10 EASY Ways to Lose Weight & Get Healthy! Weight Loss Tips, How to Diet, Food, Health Coach
People first notice another person's physical attractiveness, unless you've only talked on the phone or another impersonal way. There isn't anything wrong with that, because it can tell you other things about their personality. It's not completely shallow. One woman has neat, clean, combed hair. Another woman's hair is dirty and unkempt. Unless there's a specific reason for that, you can tell the second woman doesn't take hygiene or personal care too seriously.
It's the same thing with people who are overweight.
Most people who are overweight usually eat unhealthy foods, don't exercise, and simply eat too much. This shows a lack of self-discipline and less understanding of health and nutrition. If a man wants to have a child with a woman, who would he rather pick? The in-shape, slimmer woman, or the unhealthy looking overweight woman? Instead of owning this problem, that you eat too much, don't eat the right foods, and don't exercise, you just keep looking for people who will accept you.
Other fat people will accept you. You'll just keep acting repressed and agreeing with each other that everyone else is the problem, not you. These men have no obligation to date you. If they don't find you attractive, they don't need to do anything they don't want to.
You're not owed a partner if you can't take care of yourself. Well, to be entirely honest, some people commenting are too brutal, others are much too soft. To start, I know what it's like to be a stress eater. I'm male, and actually still a teen, but I've dealt with a lot of stress in my life, more than the usual homework and bullies, but I won't go into detail. I try to force myself out of the kitchen, and sometimes succeed, which is why I'm not largely overweight, but I was.
I still am overweight, but not as much, though I'd like to be lean or muscular, not overweight at all. So, I understand that portion. To everyone who doesn't get it, some people do react differently to stress than others. Stress, in large doses, can cause a number of problems and illnesses and abnormalities and odd habits. Sometimes people go days not eating, others eat like pigs. Some spend their time puking, some get dangerously bad migraines, others can't stop crying at the smallest of things.
And from basic problems like those, more serious issues can occur. Now, to the idiots who have posted that it isn't in our mental programming to seek young, attractive mates, you are wrong. Studies have, in fact, proven that seeking a lover is largely based on appearance because hormones make us want a mate who takes care of themselves and can therefore take care of a child.
Attraction to large breasts, for example, is due to the male brain automatically believing that bigger means more milk, so we find it a sexy, erotic thing. A healthy body means the woman or man takes care of themselves, eats right, is active, and has a strong body system suitable for child bearing for women. So, YES, it is in our brains to naturally seek healthier lovers. On the flip side of that, some men are more brains than hormones and look into a girl and see her for her.
I have been attracted to only a handful of women I have high standards for an obese guy, if that makes any sense and several of them were about as overweight as I am, maybe a little more or less. I was one of the few guys who found them beautiful despite the weight. My attraction to a girl is based on four things in the following order: Intelligence, Personality, Sense Of Humor, Appearance. The last two are optional, though the first two are mandatory. In this, I am very offended at being told to stop fooling myself and admit to preferring skinny girls.
I really don't have a major preference on weight, so I am not fooling myself if I say I don't mind larger girls. Yeah, very offended on that comment. Not all men are hormonal pigs with no sense of dignity and will stoop to dating idiots for good sex. Another note, women are just as bad, sometimes worse, than men. I have met plenty of girls that have outright told me, "Sorry, but I'd never date you.
You're fat and I'm not attracted to big guys. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight. My issue is that I am expected to be the smart guy and people respect me for lacking a sense of vanity, even my family, so if I were to ever actually be caught working-out willingly in front of them, I'd lose that image. So I can only do anything to lose weight in secret or with a different excuse, if the opportunity comes. Probably that I'm worrying for nothing. People might respect me more if I wanted to lose weight and kept my pride low, but I'm worried it will ruin my smart-guy, don't-care-what-you-think-of-my-weight outlook.
My own fault. Another thing, as I just did, own up to your issues. You're overweight, so stop pushing it on men and blaming them. It is in their hormones. You need to also take a good long look at yourself and think, "Well, I have the personality. If I got skinnier, I'd have men begging for me. For some reason, I've met girls who actually tell me, "I could never date you because you're so much smarter than I am and you sometimes talk and act like a girl. All the same, you need to straighten up and realize that while part of the problem is hormonal pigs that you have unfortunately associated me with, you are also part of the problem.
Weight is a factor in our lives that can be controlled with self-control. All of that above said, I still do feel pity, a bit, for you, knowing how difficult it can be to lose weigh, especially when you're over 50 pounds overweight. I've been there. I managed to lose it in secret. I made up the excuse that walking was a good way to relax and unwind, which my family constantly tells me to do, as I am very high-strung, so they were more than willing to let me walk for several miles around town or down back roads anytime I asked if I could without a hint of suspicion.
I did it almost daily during the Spring and Summer good temperatures, peace an quiet of back roads that run through forests, excellent time for walking, does help relax and unwind.
Oh, and stop expecting so much. Just because a guy is 'Christian' doesn't mean anything. I used to be, of course, but recently I've given up on the title. The closest I come to believing in any god are the Greek Myths, which I love, but I certainly don't worship. I gave up belief in any of the current "almighty creator" gods that would snap their fingers and send you to Hell if you did wrong.
However, plenty of guys I know that are Christian are far worse than I am. They can claim to be good people, but their hormones, lack of self-control, and overall personalities will mean more than any Bible passage they read when determining their actual dating preferences, or anything else for that matter.
Next time you write anything for all the world to see, try to be less biased and emotional about it and more logical and scientific. Logic, Emotion, and Instincts have to balance one another out if you want to get anywhere and everywhere. Follow your Brain sometimes, your Heart sometimes, and your Gut sometimes, but never always follow one or two and shut the other one or two out completely.
Your Heart can easily cloud your better judgement. Bravery without Knowledge is Stupidity. A Heart that doesn't go for what it wants is destined to live in misery. You need all three to complete your life and you're currently basing everything far too much on your emotional bias. In addition, I would be very grateful if you wouldn't generalize me with others of my sex.
I find being compared to the majority of them rather offensive. To whoever said Europeans and Asians and all that are better to date, make of me what you will.
I am always a gentlemen to the girls I date, making sure to buy flowers for every holiday, along with any other appropriate gifts, I am polite, and I always hear her opinions out before replying or contradicting, as I believe an intelligent woman should have an equal voice in a relationship.
I have dated only two girls, actually. Most people find that strange for a 14 year old male, but I point this out merely to say I dated one girl who was, at the time, very, very large and another who was, literally, a model. An actual teenaged model. I dated the big one for several months longer, enjoyed being with her more, and I'm currently still trying to think of ways to get back together with her.
She's skinnier, but she's still overweight, and I want to find a way to get back with her. Even if I had an eight pack, sexy pecks, beefy arms, and was just overall the sexiest man alive, I'd still want her back right now. Please, never again write something that generalizes the male population, especially if you're going to be offensive about it. Most men, yes, are like that. Most women, yes, are also like that. However, there is a good percentage that have more taste, more emotion, and more control over their hormones.
I hope you find one and I wish you well in losing weight. Having personality helps make up for short-coming in these areas but it doesn't change the above facts. We do live in a society where it is hard to stay fit and healthy, esp. You need to take control. The real problem here isn't men, it is your coping mechanism for stress, which as you say is food. This article is a Joke for sure. I've seen way more fat women with small men than I have fat men with smaller women. Let a big dude make up in his mind that he will exclusively date smaller women, you will then see an extremely lucky or extremely lonely individual.
Definitely a topic that can be discussed endlessly because beauty really is in the eye of the beholder but if we want to discuss "generalities" the majority of men do not want to date an overweight woman I am 5' tall and have gained a little weight after a family tragedy I now weigh lbs I was thin for most of my life and then got huge lbs.
I wanted to gain weight to be invisible to men, but, instead of being invisible I just attracted a different type of guy. It was the worse, as I truly enjoy being active and my size limited me and caused me to get injured. I am now thin again and never going back to that unhealthy way of life I also have learned to appreciate the attention from men.
I've been overweight or obese for the majority of my life the last time I was skinny was when I was a newborn baby! I have never personally had a problem with the opposite sex and now that I am in my early 30's I find that I have quite the active sex and dating life.
I also have an outgoing personality and a great sense of humor, I take great pride in my appearance and hygiene and I have a pretty face, I date and attract successful men who are not losers or even overweight themselves even though I hold no prejudice against larger men or men with blue collar jobs.
Currently I am casually seeing a man who is a member of a drug enforcement task force and the assistant chief of the local fire department, I broke off things earlier this year with a man who was a gymnastics coach for a local college. These men are nice looking, fit and respected in my local community so Bianca, you and other overweight women are not doomed, I'm speaking from personal experience, self confidence and a personality will take you far in life if you know how to work it.
After reading the comments, it is confirmed: I'm doomed. However, I've adjusted to being single. I can not want what does not want me. Fat women are like mopeds.
Dating someone you want to lose weight
Fun to ride as long as your friends don't know you're doing it. As a Christian man I have found that the vast majority of women living a Biblical life are of skinny to average weight.
Most of the time fatness is caused by the sinful behaviors of laziness and gluttony. So in finding a good wife, I would like to find one not living unrepentantly in sin.
Just happens that the vast majority of those women are a healthy weight or currently working on weight loss. Men aren't shallow for not dating fat women if they don't find them sexually attractive. Would you rather your husband want to have sex with you or the woman he's looking at across the room?
Wanting to bone your spouse helps prevent infidelity. Men know this. What's the point of getting married besides sex? All emotional needs can be fulfilled through nonsexual friendships with women. The way to a man's heart is through his pants. If you want to marry, start offering something like a sexually attractive body that the man can't obtain through just friendship.
Christianally speaking of course. I know most people do it before marriage. See, fat gals like to compare themselves to fat guys, but there is no comparison. Fat guys know they're fat and expect to be treated that way. It's not like you're missing a leg, pigs, it's not like you've been burned and you look like a horror show.
No, it's just fat and you're JUST lazy. Stop sitting down so much fat people. You sit behind a TV, a computer, a dinner table, and you never get up. A few pounds is like lbs. NOT 50!! And sure as hell not lbs. No, monsters, pounds is NOT a few extra, it's an entire week's worth of groceries that's what it is. It's the weight of a 7 year old child, probably one you still use as an excuse for being big. Women are. More than men ever were. Something men never did.
You have to be a master liar to be with a fat woman. Men are NOT meant to reproduce with fat women. They're unhealthy.
Either mentally, physically, or both. This "reason" does NOT automatically deserve them sympathy or a flipping handicap parking pass. That is all there is. There is no coloring outside the lines.
People that are on disability because they "don't want" to lose weight are LAZY! Do NOT mate with these cows. If they have the ambition to lose, they're worth it. If they don't, not only are they fat and unattractive, they also have ZERO ambition in life and THAT is something you don't want to pass on to your children either.
Fat people do not live as long, this is called "Natural Selection". You're either part of it or you're not. Maureen, your rant was just plain and ridiculous. Men are not going to change what they are attracted to. Fat women are not attractive. Too bad you don't like it. Call men "shallow" and "cruel" all you want, it won't change a thing.
So, now stop complaining and go lose some weight Miss Piggy! I know because I've heard this my entire life! Then men wonder why they can't find a nice girl who will be their confidante or best friend and more!
You can't find someone like that if you are constantly basing a woman first on her weight! Give the fat girls a chance!!! What's that saying, "the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? Every man I've dated appreciated my amazing baking and cooking skills and if you asked them what they missed about me, they would probably first say, "her tacos and burritos". Well, you would think maybe this would keep them, but sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it to turn out.
All I know is men need to change their perception of fat women and give us a chance. I recently joined an online dating site and so far all I've attracted is men my father's age or older. Yuck, I think it is gross to date someone my father's age!
I think you are much more compatible with someone your age or within a few years. Maybe that's my shallowness rearing its' ugly head! Anyway, this online dating situation proves to me that men just don't like fat women. This is what men read and then they run!!!!
To make things worse, the site I joined is a Christian dating site and I thought Christian men would be less shallow. This is quite. Let me just say it like this! If men can't accept all of you, then they don't deserve any of you. Men think that it's okay to be shallow, as some of the men on here seem to think. But it's wrong and insensitive as well. Let's say that a woman is overweight so a man doesn't want her,but the moment she drops 50 pounds, he's suddenly all over her.
She's basically the same person inside, she just lost the weight. That goes to show you that he's not really interested in her as a person, he's interested in her body.
Because if he was interested in her as a person, he would have gotten to know her a long time ago before she lost the weight. Men like that are transparent and you can see right through them, my advice is to steer clear of them and find real men.
As far as Christian men go, if they are only interested in women who are thin and skinny and meet society's standards of beauty, then that is wrong as well. As Christians, they are supposed to imitate the example of Christ who was never superficial.
He doesn't care what you look like, dress like, or how much weight you have put on. All He cares about is the condition of your heart, of your soul. Everything else is irrelevant! Let me repeat that! To make someone feel that they are somehow less deserving of love, time and attention because of weight is sin. Christian men must learn how to overcome this sinful world and are commanded to love everyone. If a Christian man is shallow, then He is not acting from love, but out of lust.
No one has the right to make anyone feel bad about themselves or to make them feel unwanted and unlovable for any reason. Is a fat woman less attractive than a thin woman? Certainly not! But these are the lies that the world would have you to believe.
Lie 1: You are not worthy of my affection until you lose some weight. You are worthy of affection. Weight alone doesn't equal how lovable or "unlovable" you are. We live in a very shallow, evil, cruel and secular society that feeds on everything the media says. Robert, shame on you for calling her Miss Piggy.
This only proves my point how stupid some men can be. Would Robert like it if he was put down because of his looks, weight. Men being visual creatures is only an excuse to justify shallow and cruel behavior like Robert's.
While it's good to look presentable, you shouldn't allow anyone to beat up on you because you don't look like a supermodel. Men need to learn to grow up and stop dealing all the hate! If you want a thin woman to have four kids with, why? I would say a Russian tank would be better. The vagina will never be the same. There will be spider veins, flabby tissue, no flat stomacha bad back, saggy body parts, a hernia, constipation, hemorrhoids, vaginal scar tissue, episiotomies, shrivelled-up dry, saggy small breasts, baldness, melasma, bad acne, and an extra fifty pounds.
Never really understood the point of picking out a 'thin, attractive' woman because 'of her genes' for 'making babies'. Why do men who like thin women want babies?
She ain't going to be thin for the four pregnancies and a year or so after that, most likely never. Can't see the appeal of a thin woman pregnant four times to a man who is a 'visual creature'.
What is visually appealing about destroying a good-looking woman's appearance? They also want women who 'eat like men' but 'look like Pamela Anderson'. I think not.
Personally I prefer middle ground, somebody who doesn't look starved nor somebody who looks like a walking heart attack, somebody who looks healthy. Not saying that's all I look for because personality is equally important, its just what I prefer. See 55 more comments. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc. As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
Fat Women Aren't Appreciated As a fat woman, I've experienced the extreme shallowness that exists in our society. Go figure the guy was a complete weirdo. Just kidding!