#AskMatthewHussey "Why Do Men Lie?"
Even so, the guys who got beneath the radar did not get a second date. So, while I get that we all want to create a profile that presents us in the best light possible, lying will most likely backfire. Having said that, it is hard to meet people, so online dating sites are a part of the dating process these days.
Unfortunately, it is so easy to discount people based on various criteria. I know that I have had strict filters on age, height, weight, and other things. We all seem so much more enlightened! I could have written the exact same thing that Antonia 2 wrote as my experiences have been the same re: the whole 50 lbs issue with women and the height issue with men.
Spot on with the height thing. I wear tall heels but I was their height.
This, right here, is a perfect illustration of tyne problem. The honest are in effect penalized for telling the truth, because thanks to the liars, everyone else assumes the honest individual is lying too. Same thing with age. I would be interested to hear if the people who are dishonest have success in the long term? They may get more first date but probably not many second particularly on the lies that are visible on the first date.
All sociopaths lie. Most people tell the odd white lie. You might lie about why you are late for work to your boss. You might embellish the truth sometimes. You might lie to save somebody elseís feelings and to not hurt them. The sociopath is in another category of lying. The . Aug 22, †∑ Studies have found, for example, that men tend to overstate their height and lie about their occupation, while women understate their weight and tend to have less accurate photos than their. When lying is expected (which in online dating, it is), itís not just the person buying the lie who gets deceived. The honest are in effect penalized for telling the truth, because thanks to the liars, everyone else assumes the honest individual is lying too.
I would not but honestly I think they have the right to and he deserves it. You should be honest no reason to lie. Own what you have down to the last inch and pound! I would be very angry at a guy who wasted my time by outright lying about his age. My bf who I met on Match was honest about his age, as was I.
Honesty matters more than actual number of years.
I read in an article about online profile writing, that if your photos are less than 2 years old, that is considered current. I have never been on a dating sight that asked women to divulge their weight. They just ask for body type, thin, curvy fit, extra padding, etc.
As far as the age thing goes, women have it tough once they turn Demoralized, she changed her age to 53 and soon met and went out for a nice date with a guy in his mid-fifties, close to her age, a peer. At the end of the evening, he busted her. Apparently, he had noticed that she had altered her age on her profile, then googled her to verify that she was indeed It was completely premeditated on his part, he waited all night to confront her.
She never heard from him again, needless to say. This coming from a guy who was the same age as she! Middle aged women are judged unfairly because of their age. No wonder they lie. Middle aged women ARE judged unfairly because of their age. Just the same as shorter men are judged unfairly because of their height.
When the a man misrepresents his height, education, etc. Financially independent means wealthy. If one looks carefully at them they can tell some are older and not recent. But I have always liked older women. I will be 56 in August, but I cannot get and year-old women to even talk to me.
Why do women whine that dating is so hard after 50 and then turn down a younger man who is interested in them?
Not for either sex. If a man lies, drop him. I do not lie. Liars always get busted in the end and that is the wrong end. Frankly the last one is meaningless with pictures. Even if they had massive success they would naturally start to tweek their profiles to get even better results. No woman has ever demanded to see my drivers license,college diploma,or divorce papers so life goes on.
The main thing is my pics are alway current and I look exactly like them. People can lie about a myriad of things but looking like the pics you have posted is THE most important. In my opinion everything else is negotiable. Everything else is negotiable? People like you is why I hate online dating. I have never lied on my profile.
I think that study is dead on. Having done a lot of dating online after my divorce, I notice I did much better than other friends of mine.
Dating online is very to the stats. So my stats for a man are pretty good. My friend, who is much shorter then me, did not fare so well, even though he does very well in real life. That is the problem and why most people lie on them I think. There is nothing more frustrating then to show up on a date and the person looks nothing like their pictures.
I lot of people dating after a divorce tend to go to online, and either do very well like I did and it helps jump start their single lifeor they do not and it has a bad impact on their self confidence. I hope online dating worked for you.
I have friends who have tried and get someone out of state and it has become a nightmare. It may take a little longer, but you will probably fair better in the long run. The one area where I can understand people not telling the whole truth is age, especially if you look good for your age.
Women lie about weight and age for the same reason. Or people whose main pic winds up being super old and the additional pics are the current ones. I mean, okay, if somehow her picture was distorted or old and she was much heavier, all he has to do is have a drink and bounce. People lie about the things that cause people online to reject them. As someone mentioned, the irony is that people are rejecting people online that they and other people would happily accept in real life.
It just is what it is. You are probably going to have a lot of days like that unless you find that one.
Is that anger really necessary? Oh, and what websites are people using where they claim to be able to quantify how much people weigh. Um, no, not so much. I was on match for several years a while back and I had an interesting experience. In the name of honesty, I was planning on putting up a couple of really good photos, some average ones and some not so great ones but then I think it was actually Evan that says somewhere that this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make, so I just went with the good ones was this Evan, or am I thinking of some rival dating guru?!
For the most part this worked well for me. Three men did, however, strongly hint that they were disappointed by the real me and that they considered themselves out of my league. I actually met some men with model looks, proper 10s in the sense they could rival the Orlando Blooms of this world, and the weird thing was was that some of these guys were very interested in me in real life.
To begin with I posted my best photos and filtered out the super-hot, as I thought they might be let down, but after one guy repeatedly begging, I gave in, and he was actually really interested in real life.
So match really boosted my faith in men. I have my fingers crossed! The first person I had ever agreed to meet from a dating site, OkCupid, asked me on the phone before we met in person if I looked like my photos. And men do this across the board.
I met another guy who had photos that must have been 3 or 4 years old. Or explicitly suggest a headshot and a full body shot, so people who are new to navigating those things have a better idea of what to select? Men do a bigger disservice to themselves than women do, I suppose, but I think by arranging for an inexpensive first phelangun.com men are freeing themselves up from spending too much money just to get a date in the first place.
I have ran into this situation a couple of times and it has been true. He had dupers delight from conning me, and getting me further into debt. Instead, he faked them, and the more that he got away with it, the more he enjoyed the elaborate art of conning and getting away with it.
He would make fake calls in front of me, to the hospital, his ex, his daughter, to solicitors. He told me that his daughter was coming to live with us, the mother would be dead in a week, then she would be dead imminently within 2 days, it was so much drama. At the time, it was also incredibly upsetting, and so very dramatic. He cried real tears. He really threw himself into actor in this position and carried it out for months.
Truth - She was alive, not in hospital, and was home and well and not dying of cancer. She was probably at home watching tv, having a regular day. This is just a selection of lies that were told, in a short space of time. All of it was designed to manipulate and to deceive.
Dating a lying man
This is when you realise that you have been dating a compulsive pathological liar. A person who finds it easier to lie than to tell the truth, a person that has no respect for you, your life, your welfare, or your needs. Uncovering the lies at the end, brings another kind of grief. A realisation that the person that you thought you loved, does not exist.
As the lies are unravelled, it is also a very confusing time. When the sociopath knows that their lies will be found out. They will take off and move onto the next victim. This is so crazy and so accurate.
I wish i knew this from day one. I have no idea how to gst out of it! I promise this is almost my same line of excuses. Hello lost child. This is for you and anyone who has the occasion to read this.
I have read and reread anything I can find concerning sociopaths. I have come to an understanding of who they are and what they do. Truth is nobody will ever ever understand. You, me, and anybody that has been tortured by a sociopath will understand.
You are fortunate. They will never have feelings.
Sad but true. They will continue doing what they do and will hurt people. We just have to keep as much distance from them as possible and never allow them into our lives. I too am worried with 2 kids. It feels like I am in an alternate universe.TK Kirkland: Do Men Love the Woman They're Lying To or Telling the Truth To?
When we met I was a happy,fit, and ambitious. Mine hurt me so bad in so many ways and then showed up so many ways like nothing had ever happened. Like we were best friends and just got busy with life. He hurt me so much but at the same time all I want for him is to get better.
How do I stop obsessing over how worried I am for him? Because he is a compulsive liar and a good one at that. Has painted you as the bad one and him as the victimor they do see he just wont let you know. Or they are equally as disfunctional. Paula and Positivegirl we all must be talking about the same person.
Wowthe lies that I have been told and then how they go ghost once they been exposed. Then come back like Nothing ever happened, meanwhile you sitting back trying to understand what the freak happened and why they tell such a Big lie to you. It would only hold you back in life, and bring further destruction.
Oct 17, †∑ If you are dating online, there is a tendency to "fudge" some facts like age, height, weight and for men - hair. Using old photos is extremely common as well. But, not surprising some people lie about their marital status, saying they are divorced when they are still separated or have never even filed. 12 Signs You Are Dating A Manipulative Man (Who Deserves To Be Dumped) By Holly Riordan, April 19th Comment; Flag Flagged; he will wake up with a smile and act like nothing happened. If you catch him in a lie, he will act like he only got the story wrong because he was confused. This Is Why Men Start To Pull Away When You Want. Sep 25, †∑ If youíre an introvert by nature, dating a Libra man is a real challenge. Most Libra men are extroverts who enjoy socializing and canít stand loneliness. Their lives are filled with constant parties, trips, guests, and tons of so-called phelangun.com: Diana White.
A week ago I found out the man I dated and all but lived with for six months was just this situation. I am a professional, 59 years old, intelligent, and all my friends and coworkers adored him too and none of them questioned anything either.
He is so good at what he does. I am still reeling. It is helpful to read blogs such as this. I am grieving but also grateful I found out after only six months. Turns out the wife who he told me passed away from cervical cancer in fact suicided after a lengthy marriage to this piece of work. Omg, that must have been shocking to hear about the wife. I am sorry that you are going through such trauma, 6 months with a psycho can feel like a very very long time. It appears that more women than men are posting comments.
I understand, and the pain and anxiety and other associated feelings you are feeling. I had a long term relationship with my ex off and on for 17 years. She would always turn the conversation around. When something happened to her that was upsetting she never cried.
I just thought she was able to control her emotions.
I think I knew almost from the start, having read some notes I had written periodically during our relationship, and how little I paid attention to my own thoughts and advice. Until I guessed that she might be a sociopath and read more and more, did it become very clear.
She is controlling, manipulative, no morals, no remorse, no shame, no guilt. For example, before I met her she had sex with several married men and never thought there was anything wrong with that. When her father died in I only saw her shed a few tears, once. There are loads of other examples, but enough for now. After many disappointments I broke it off with her in December In the following 8 months I had managed to stop thinking about her.
Then in August I saw her at our city celebration downtown. I saw her and turned around and walked away. I continued to walk around and unintentionally walked right in to her again. I should have turned around again and ran. This was in the first few minutes that we talked. That day she was babysitting her nephews son. The following day she called and asked me if she could stop by my house with the her nephews son.
She and I had babysat him in the past to help her nephew out before I broke up with her. I allowed her to stop. When she stopped she again said she was breaking up with this guy.
To make a long story short she said she was going to break up that day with him. When I got to her house the boyfriend was there. She used me to get back with him. I am hurt and angry that she lied and that she used me.
Jan 01, †∑ In their study, researchers found that dating couples lie to each other about 33 percent of the time. There is a bit of good news, though. Researchers found that most lies were of the white variety: People lied about emotions, opinions, personal accomplishments, and other things that Author: Dana Leigh Smith.
I was keeping a journal the whole time this was going on and I told myself not to get involved. I disregarded myself.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!! I have seen her out and have not made any attempt to talk to her. Since this all happened I have read everything I can on sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths and all the stories about these conditions and they all say run away, make no contact.
I have listened to the advice and have to consistently remind myself to stay away and not think about her. Easier said than done. I Think about her less every day but I think it will still be a while before she is out of my mind. This is the first time I have ever posted anything. I am still sorting things out. I needed to vent and I used this opportunity to do it.
House Of Lies: 6 Telling Signs You're Dating A Compulsive Liar
I think it takes longer than 3 months if psychopathic abuse Nbookz. It can take that long to even begin to accept reality. Perhaps longer. Then to undo the mind control, brain washing. Then you have the ruining, smear campaigns and 3rd party abuse. Likely you also have to pick up the pieces of your shattered life, perhaps huge debts, ruined career. It can take a long time to undo the type of damage that they can do to a victim.
We have a two year old daughter. None of this happened. MY husband was deployed when he began telling me this story. He was a close friend of our family at their time e had been for at least 6 months BEFORE my husband deployed, so I trusted him more than I would most people from the beginning God was I stupid. He had pictures of her and a sad back story for her as well.
I bought every word. I have been through a lot and try to use my past to help others when I can I really thought he was making progress and would be ok. Then I found out he lied to me. I was in shock for a while after that. At their time I thought he had just lied about her being dead which was bad enough but he insisted that he still loved her and so I was trying get to make sense of what my role was in all of it. I decided to try to find her and see if she would talk to him.
By then I was so emotionally invested in him that i couldnt detach without hurting myself too. I knew how I felt but knew it was wrong and based on liesnot to mention how much i was hurting my family by giving him all my energy. I became suicidalwas self harming. I was a mes. Outpatient for a month of therapy. My poor husband could not make sense of any of it since i had not been honest with him about how i had been feeling those last few months and he did not realize the extent to which the story went and how i was being manipulated.
Months of grief over the loss of a friend that never truly existedthe intense guilt of what i had done to my family by prioritizing him and his fake problems. I cant even describe how much knowing this person messed me up.
He knew exactly what he was doing. This man works for them military and plays war games for a living. He is educated and predatory. I was so blind and stupid for befriending him. I have no idea what his motivations were and I never understand why he did this to me and my family. It nearly destroyed my marriage and my life, I have been inpatient twice since I ended my relationship with him.
That is saying something because I am 37 and been through a lot when I was younger without once being in a hospital for anything I was recovering from.
And my marriage is recovering from my mis steps and poor judgement. I was really hurt and angry and depressed. But I am getting better, finally. It scares me to think that he will probably incorporate details of my life that I shared with him into lies he tells future targets. I hope I can ultimately just forget about this whole thing and never see or hear from him again.
After all this though, he still has my pity. Just not for the reasons he set out to win it with. I watch him lie to everyone around us everyday and I know he spins me these big elaborate stories!
He never did drugs. His addiction was lying. We have lots of laughs, and flirt endlessly, most flirting is just a good lie anyway. No Opinions. I give directions. If he stops coming around. I love that. So true.